Forgiving isn't condoning how someone is behaving, what they have done, or even what we have done. It's understanding that we all make mistakes, and we can all change. Every single soul needs forgiveness in their life, even the worst of them. Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace.
In the CIAMSS course ‘Releasing Guilt Through Forgiveness’ it states that “Forgiveness is the key to freedom from guilt in our lives.” It is something we need for ourselves, especially when we carry a lot of regret because of the choices we have made. I found that I had to love myself enough to forgive myself for decisions that I made which caused hurt. Self-love can be extremely hard for many people, almost as hard as forgiveness. What I've learned through all these years of conflict and chaos, is that allowing myself to forgive also allowed me to live again. Feeling so guilty about what I said, what I did or how I made somebody feel would slowly eat me up inside. I cannot even begin to express how incredibly healing it was when I finally let go, and forgave everyone and everything, including myself. To release yourself from that guilt and heaviness upon your shoulders is so freeing and liberating.
Especially if you have the opportunity to apologize to the person that you hurt. Whether it was yourself, or someone else, it creates such a beautiful energy of love and light between you. It rids both of your souls from that destructive anger and resentment. Even if someone does not accept your forgiveness, knowing that you took responsibility for your part is the right thing to do and you should be proud of yourself for doing it. A friendly reminder, karma reacts to genuine energy, so please be sincere and forgive for peace, not righteousness.
I've learned some great ways to help support the road to forgiveness that I like to share with others to help them along their way.
1. Begin to see the benefits for yourself.
Forgiveness is for YOU not THEM; this is a fact. By forgiving you are the one that will reap the benefits. Accepting that you deserve the highest and best in life is very healthy for your mind, body and soul. I could not allow myself to waste any more time or energy on something or someone that can no longer hurt me. When I looked back on the journey with my ex-husband, even though we had some serious toxicity at times, I'm grateful for all that he taught me. There were quite a few things that you would deem unforgivable when it came to our marriage and relationship. Forgiveness included me looking back upon all of it saying, “You know what - thank you! Thank you for being you and treating me the way you did. Because of that, you have made ME so much better!” Thinking this way made me feel so much better. I could forgive him because of everything that we went through, it only made me a better version of myself! So, think of it more like, I forgive you because… I'm all good. I'm actually great! What you did taught me a lot, so for that, I forgive you. At this point, I hope you can see and feel how amazing it is when you realize it really is for you and not for them. This also is the same when forgiving ourselves after we hurt someone else, taking that responsibility and offering our apologies. It has its benefits for them, but it's truly most beneficial for you to heal and move on.
2. Contact the person you need to forgive or be forgiven by. Have open and honest communication, remind yourself, it’s just words.
It is amazing how many times I've heard somebody say, “I'm so glad you called I've been meaning to tell you how sorry I was. I was just so concerned that you were so mad at me you wouldn't speak to me.” Hearing or speaking those words has the potential to bring immediate relief to someone’s soul.