Men and Racism: The Healing Path

1 Letter 1. A Love Letter to All My Brothers: My Dear Brothers...... I believe we are all connected...all related.....All brothers, Please know that what follows here is my humble effort to bring us all together.....to address and heal this disease of racism which so hurts and plagues …..us ALL. I'm writing to all you men of good hearts and good will.....because I have faith that if we all choose to come together ….and lead with our hearts.....with a little....make that.. a lot....of support and leadership from Indigenous, Black, Latinx, Asian Pacific Islanders,Women, Gay folks, Trans folks, Immigrants/Refugees....all of us........we can co-create a world that truly serves us ALL. Why do I title this book 'Men and Racism'? Certainly not to attack, belittle, disrespect, or guilt trip us men......as I am part of “us men and racism”...and I don't have any desire to put myself or anyone else down........And.....I know that we men....and when I say “we”...it's because I feel deep in my soul....that to heal racism and all the other woes of this world.....we each have to own and acknowledge our part of it.....lest we continue to struggle, seeing each other as threats to our tenuous hold on our pseudo security / material 2 belongings. Thus “Our Fear Of Being Vulnerable”, in a world that often doesn't feel safe for us and our loved ones. And why 'The Courageous and Compassionate Path to Healing'? Because this can be really difficult, painful work, which will take all we have to give.....together. We need each other. Facing fear takes so much courage and compassion....to finally get to the place of loving healing. Pointing fingers.....attacking others....doesn't work....and only creates defensiveness. Looking at ourselves in the mirror, with impeccable integrity, courage, humility, compassion can lead us all to freedom. We all are acting in ways that reflect our backgrounds...our core training about the values to live by....of what it means to be male...whether they be healthy, caring, compassionate values....or more selfish, fear based, defensive posturing to protect what we have. There have been various men's movement efforts. However they have not been sustainable, due to lack of solidarity about needs being met among all races, classes etc. (A special dream I have is that there will be many yearly Million Man Marches across the planet fueled by commitments to sustainable loving, healing action). We all want to feel loved and secure, appreciated, and that we are making a significant contribution. With individual and collaborative acknowledgment and ownership of the problems (Part I of this book), and commitment to coming together for healing, Loving action (Part II of this book),....we can, for sure.....mend our rifts, so that everyone feels worthy and valued. There is certainly enough wealth to go around...so that no child, woman, or man need go without food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, education....and that the animals and earth can be protected. Continually looking deep inside myself to unravel and heal the layers of racism, sexism, classism, homophobia, xenophobia and other divisiveness that separate us, is one of the great gifts of my life. I hope that you decide to join together in this incredible moment in time...the wealthy men at the top, hearts and hands with all the rest of us.....we can all have a life filled with the beauty and sweetness we each so deserve. The time for courageous choice …..is NOW. With Love and Respect, Roberto 4 Mitakuye Oyasin / Lakota for All My Relatives, All My Relations We Are All One A poem to all my relatives From A white man on the REZ I feel like I've never fit in And that's my only sin. And to live my truth need to Speak my truth That we're each unique.. and each KIN. My wounds teach me where I came from, Scars remind me to never forget- So many lessons to learn, from folks I still haven't met A song of surviving? NO...I choose thriving truth, not lying, nor continual denying. They say we're post racial and let's move past- 5 I can't, and won't it's in my bones, my cells, my molecules, my DNA So healing don't come fast. How many lifetimes does it take to heal? From being the only ones forced to come here.... and being treated as subhuman,savages,slaves,animals, property..... How many lifetimes to heal? I don't want to forget that truth, the values, that founded our country are still alive and well elitism, power, wealth, control, entitlement, competition to be #1 at all costs, white heterosexual male privilege all values that can create living hell. I have a mental “dis-order”, that needs to be controlled? Or is the system what's disordered and I just don't fit the mold... of the values that are cold. If I say I don't see Color, I'm really saying I'm blind, to the truth of having a dark skin and how folks can be so unkind. If I cut my hair speak, dress, walk and talk, WHITE, 6 then, maybe the American Dream will include me, am I dreaming? Wake UP!!, they really want me disappearing from sight. For we can't sing and dance together, and we can't be truly free, until we acknowledge the truth, of what I can't always see, That we are different, and we are the same, and the tragedies are not about blame. And the Tyler Clementes, Travon Martins, and Michael Browns of our country, will continue to be murdered like dogs, Until we stop pretending their human, and admit they're still seen as “hogs”. (from “A Lesson before Dying” by Ernest Gaines, a young Black man in the 40's South, wrongly convicted of killing a white woman, after being called a hog by a prosecuting attorney, said before he was executed, he just wanted them to know, he wasn't an animal, he's a man.) Unless we're willing to remember, what was done to the Indians and slaves, then we might as well dig us a Hole, and go back to living in caves. It's too uncomfortable, you say, 7 let move on to a brand new day, not nearly so uncomfortable, I say as spending a life playing straight, when I'm gay. So simply being alive, Do I deserve a piece of the pie? Or do I need to prove my worth, by continuing to live a lie? Hmmmm. So what's the answer, I ask, It's clear, No easy task,. And yet, it's really quite simple, the wise ones have always taught, That All life is sacred, and worth is not earned or bought. That each of us is born worthy, and All life is precious and unique. Yet each of us are also connected and deep, deep inside is All we seek. For the greatest power is truly LOVE, yet rarely is that what's spoken, in our homes, churches and schools, in our counseling rooms even a token. 8 What are we so afraid of, to be all we truly can be? By teaching each other bout love the essence of you and me. And our boys to men in each culture, will Then start, learning and grow, to be strong and gentle and honest, and be more than we'll ever know. So please, My Dear Friends, please, please look deep inside, for we each are precious and sacred, and there is nothing to hide.