NEVER ALONE

He joined her at the pace she was breathing and then slowed his down, watching her, until she matched his breaths. When he could see she was very calm, he added, slowly and gently, ’JoAnn, I want you to think of your children - how much you love them. I want you to really feel what that love for them is like. Take whatever time you need.’ he took a couple of slow breaths. ‘What words come to your mind as you try to describe your love for them? How would you describe these loved ones to a visitor who had never met your children before?’ He watched as JoAnn connected with the love she felt for her children. She wrapped her arms around her knees and hugged herself as if she were hugging her babies. She smiled as she imagined sharing their preciousness to a newcomer. When he could see she was totally connected with that feeling of deep love for her little ones, he went on. ‘And now JoAnn, there is someone who loves you - just the way you love your children. That person will come into your mind when you are ready.’ He waited till her body shifted slightly and she nodded almost imperceptibly. ‘Yes, that one, now think of that person who loves you more than anyone else - someone who is there for you 100%, with no judgements, just love – just the way you love your children.’ And a little smile appeared on her face, he continued. ‘Now, imagine that someone is over at the oak tree watching you sitting here on the verandah. What do you think they are thinking about you as they watch you - the person they love so deeply, so unconditionally?’ He waited while she absorbed that idea, and when her smile grew bigger, he added, ‘And what would they be saying about you if someone else came and asked them about you? How would they describe you- how you look? What you are like to be with? And anything else that comes to your mind.’ Tears crept out from JoAnn’s closed eyes, and rolled down her cheeks, but she wasn’t sad. She was happy – she was enveloped in the warmest most loving feelings for herself she had experienced for a long time, if ever, and it was wonderful. Matt watched her and waited. He suspected what she was experiencing and wanted her to indulge in that for as long as she wanted, Time passed. A blackbird suddenly burst into song from high up in the oak tree and she laughed, opening her eyes. ‘Me too birdie.’ Matt stood up and went over to help her up and without words led her through to his bathroom. There over the basin was a large oval mirror. He stopped her in front of it and stood beside her but out of range from the mirror and said, ‘JoAnn, look at that lady in the mirror. Look at her through the eyes of the person you have been thinking through. And say, ‘I love you JoAnn.’ Say it at least five times. Say it from your heart.’ In a soft voice JoAnn did as she was led. She looked at herself and felt a deep peace spread through her mind and body and saw herself in a way, she had never done before. By the time she said it the fifth time she was standing so tall and looked so lovely, Matt hugged her from behind. ‘Well done lady.’ He left her then and went out to put the kettle on again. She stayed looking at herself for longer, and smiled at herself. ‘You are okay, you know. You are an okay person. In fact, you are an awesome lady.’ She noticed how alive her eyes were, how her face seemed to be glowing and she felt filled with a delicious warmth. She swept her fingers through her hair that seemed to be buoyant again, and turning to leave the bathroom, she repeated, ‘JoAnn, I love you.’