Dialogue Ignites Change

Introduction.............................................................................................................. xi How to Use This Book...........................................................................................xiii Chapter 1 Conversation Illuminates the Future.......................................... 1 Chapter 2 Fan the Embers of Empathy......................................................... 19 Chapter 3 Set Your Vision Ablaze..................................................................39 Chapter 4 Inflame Insight................................................................................59 Chapter 5 Take Charge.....................................................................................79 Chapter 6 Unplug...............................................................................................97 Chapter 7 Spark A CALM Dialogue...........................................................113 Chapter 8 Dialogue Ignites Change............................................................135 References...............................................................................................................157 Appendix.................................................................................................................159 About The Author................................................................................................. 175 If you have ever wanted to have a conversation about a difficult issue but just didn’t know where to begin, this book is for you. The premise behind writing this book is to equip you with all the skills needed to engage in difficult conversations. Let’s face it, life is complex and therefore full of complicated matters. Since we are aware of this, we should prepare to deal with tough issues when they arise; which they inevitably will. Throughout this book, I will be coaching you on the fundamentals of difficult conversations. I have curated seventeen concepts that will teach you the necessary framework for engaging in difficult conversations. The seventeen concepts are: self-awareness, self-regulation, self-determination, asking questions, effective listening, reflective statements, internal locus of control, separating individuals from the issue, reframing, perception, positivity, humor, the Pygmalion effect, win/win outcomes, future-focused thinking, big picture outlook, and relaxation. These concepts are drawn from my background in mediation and management. Furthermore, the seventeen concepts lay the foundation for the CALM Dialogue construct. The CALM Dialogue is a four-step process that I created to enable anyone to engage in tough conversations. Since the seventeen concepts lay the groundwork for the CALM Dialogue, you must learn them before embarking on using the CALM Dialogue. This is because they will give you the knowledge that is necessary for using the CALM Dialogue process effectively. Additionally, this book is filled with personal stories from real life examples. The names of individuals have been changed to protect their identities, but the stories are all true. All the stories in this book were chosen to enrich the content, and breathe life into the content and concepts that may otherwise be too complex and boring to grasp. As well, this book is filled with games and exercises to keep you engaged and your mind stimulated. Games are a great way to make learning new concepts and ideas fun. So, make sure you take your time and enjoy the journey of learning the ideas by completing each chapters’ activities. The answers to the games are located at the end of each chapter for quick reference. There are also sample dialogue scenarios about race, gender, and violence for you to go through. These behavior reproduction exercises will allow you to see how the CALM Dialogue is used to tackle tough issues. As well, you can also create your own scenarios by using the templates in the Appendix section at the back of the book. This will allow you to build confidence while engaging in dialogical practice about issues you may want to address in your life. My hope is that you will use this book to help you transform and improve your relationships, your community, and your world. Chapter 1 Conversation Illuminates the Future “If you want to be a voice of peace in the world, begin by making peace a permanent condition of your own life.” -Wayne Dyer The Awakening There’s nothing like the sound of a ringing bell to snap you back to reality. Grief filled the air as I sat there in what would be one of many ceremonies required to be performed as part of a Hindu death ritual. My grandfather had passed away three days prior. My cousin had called me to inform me of the news. I quickly scrambled to get plane tickets from Utah to Toronto for my daughter, husband, and myself. It had been a whirlwind. The funeral was held two days after he had passed away. This particular day was the day after the funeral. It was the day I was finally able to catch my breath. As an attendee at a Hindu ceremony, it was customary to sit on the white sheets that covered the floor and listen to the pandit speak. His talk that day was about the Bhagwat Gita. I remember him saying that the entire book was about internal conflict. Hold up, wait a minute! What? As I leaned forward and cleaned the cobwebs out of my ears, a light bulb suddenly lit up in my brain. So, one of the oldest texts ever written is all about internal conflict. Holy cow! I felt like this was vital information. Why was that not information that was told at more of these religious gatherings? In fact, this information needs to be common knowledge for all regardless of religious affiliations. Maybe, this information would be able to help people if they were aware of the fact that everyone had internal conflict. The first thing I did when I returned home was order my copy of the Bhagwat Gita. Thanks to my Amazon Prime membership, I was able to get my hands on it quickly. After devouring its contents and allowing myself time to digest it; I was able to understand the timeless message. I discovered that the epic war that was fought in the Bhagwat Gita could be interpreted as being fought in the battlefield of the mind. I was blown away by this realization. I felt like Neo in The Matrix after he had taken the red pill. My eyes were opened to the Universal truth. We are all in the grip of some kind of internal or external conflict. It is a fact of our collective consciousness. It is woven into the DNA of our very existence. The reason this message resonated with me may have been because previous to this awakening, I was a mediator and had written a few booklets on a conflict resolution process that I had created; the CALM Dialogue. The CALM Dialogue is a simple 4-step method that could be used by anyone to resolve disputes.