How to Divorce Cooperatively
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The Chinese symbol for “crisis” translates to “crucial point”. A divorce is indeed a crucial point in our lives, and it is one that should be entered into carefully and thoughtfully. The ending of any relationship is difficult and, as a result, is often a crisis for those involved. For some, it can seem, at least for a time, like the end of the world. It can feel like a punch in the gut, causing them to wonder how they can possibly go on with their lives. Being married may have become their identity, or a role. You may be asking yourself - how am I to move forward with such a major shift in my identity? How could I have let this happen? How could I have ‘failed’? Who will support me? Who will judge me? Who will abandon me? Where does the blame lie? What is this going to do to the children? These unanswered questions, and many others, can kick a person contemplating divorce into crisis mode, causing them to panic. Of course, as many of us have learned the hard way, making decisions while panicking does not tend to yield the most desirable results. Therefore, in this book, we are including not only advice about the practical matters of divorce, but also exercises and suggestions to help you reduce the stress and other negative emotions that naturally comes with a major life change. During a divorce, you face many difficult decisions and some battles, and the best position from which to engage in a battle is from a place of relative calm. From this calm place, the decisions you make and the behaviors in which you engage will be as rational as possible. That is our hope; to provide information and guidance that will lead you to approaching your divorce calmly and rationally. We have many years of experience working with people in these very crises. We have seen divorces handled beautifully and sensitively and we have seen divorce disasters and everything in-between. Based on our collective experience, we believe we have information that can guide readers toward the healthy road. We believe we can help readers make rational, reasonable decisions during the divorce process that may prevent long-term problems and that may even result in the improvement of relationships with your former spouse and with your children. It is possible. It is our hope that this book helps you learn more appropriate and effective strategies to: • Become a cooperative co-parent • Better manage your thoughts and your emotional reactions • Develop a healthy relationship with yourself • Work toward forgiveness and acceptance • Identify personal goals • Maintain and improve relationships • Identify additional areas of your life to enhance and improve
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About the Book
In this informative book, readers who are considering divorce will be provided with material that can help them make well-informed decisions for their unique situations ranging from how to determine the best legal process to how to sensitively communicate the divorce decision to one's spouse and children. Readers will also gain insight into the common emotions experienced during a divorce and will be presented with an effective model for managing those emotions. Learning to manage the emotions associated with divorce can contribute to cooperative post-divorce relationships and a well-adjusted ever after.
About the Author
Christy Lyons is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and professor emeritus of counselor education. In her clinical work, she has helped numerous divorcing parents navigate the challenges that arise during this difficult family transition. Drawing from her own personal experience as well as from her work with clients she has served over the years, Dr. Lyons developed a framework for divorcing cooperatively and managing emotions during and after the process.
Dr. Lyons maintains a private practice serving clients in Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Ohio. Additionally, she continues to train mental health counselors and was awarded “Counselor Educator of the Year” by the Massachusetts Mental Health Counselors Association in 2023. In her free time, she enjoys traveling and spending time with her family and pets, long walks, yoga, and nature photography.
Beverly Ward Via is a licensed Texas attorney who is currently on sabbatical from her law practice which was dedicated to family, estate planning and probate law. Ms. Via is a graduate of the S.M.U. Dedman School of Law with a J.D. and the University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business with a B.B.A. in Marketing. Because of her desire to share her expertise and to give back to her community, Ms. Via has provided pro bono legal services, served on the board of trustees of her church, and served in various volunteer capacities at her children’s schools. Ms. Via has also spoken at family law training seminars, and has published articles on the topics of parentage, termination of parental rights and adoption. Like many working mothers, Ms. Via reduced her case load to spend more time with her family when her children were young and worked constantly to find the right balance. Following her passion to give back to the community, she worked in fundraising for a non-profit agency which serves homeless families with children. Ms. Via then returned to the legal profession where she has continued to do her part to help families achieve creative and effective resolutions to divorce and other family law and estate planning matters.