From Wild Child to Wise Woman

Writing is magic. Fast forward a year and a half. I was reading my old journals, and had written multiple times, years ago, that I wanted to live in an RV and travel around the country. I didn’t even remember writing about it! But it came true! It happened! Journaling is something I do regularly. To prepare for writing this book, I went back and read all my old journals. Oh. My. Goodness. Journaling is magical. Reading back over them, things became so obvious. I bored myself to death reading all the complaining I did for years about wanting things to change, yet I wasn’t doing anything to change them! There were things I blocked out that I had no memory of until I read it. I wrote about what I dreamed of doing, and years later, it came true! Journaling gives me a way to vent, that spares loved ones from having to listen to all of it. Journaling helps me process my feelings, dream about the future, and grieve the past. It is amazing to read old journals and see the progress I’ve made over the years. Patterns of being stuck, things I want, and don’t want, emerge. Am I struggling with the same things I was ten years ago? Time for a different approach. After reading my old journals, I wanted to write more consistently and in more detail. If it’s not written clearly and in detail, I won’t remember what I meant when I read it again. I learned that the hard way. While journaling recently, I realized there was a part of me that believed if I enjoy my life, if I let go of the pain and trauma I experienced from being given up for adoption and being abused by my adopters, somehow I was betraying my wounded inner child. What a revelation! I’ve heard people experience guilt when a loved one dies. They feel guilty for going on with their life and enjoying it. If I am happy and love life doesn’t mean I’m betraying my wounded inner child, it just means I am not squandering this chance. I want to make the most of this life. Now, most days, with rare exceptions, I write in my journal. My morning routine is meditation, drink coffee while journaling and reading something non-fiction, something designed to help me expand and grow. I do not look at text messages, emails, or anything else until I have completed my morning routine. In fact, I usually keep my phone on airplane mode until I am ready to face the outside world. Maintaining this container of quiet focus helps me to be in control of my intention and sets the tone for the day. It protects me from the outside world until I am ready to let it in. My phone is for my convenience, not everyone else’s. I also keep notifications off, and if I am working, my ringer is off. I control what I let in. I committed to making myself my priority. If I’m not sticking to it, why not?! That’s something to journal about!