Beautiful Lady

It is nearly three weeks after my diagnosis, and I am still bouncing in and out of denial. I feel fine. I look fine. I do not feel like I have cancer. I do not look like I have cancer. Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe I do not have cancer. How’s that for classic denial? A fellow breast cancer warrior and dear friend of mine told me it would feel like my world stopped and that everyone else around me just kept going. She was right. When you hear the words “you have cancer”, there is an almost immediate change in perspective. Things that were muddled and unclear the day before cancer are now much clearer. You now know for sure what is important to you and what is not. The small stuff does not matter, and it is easier than ever before to just let it go. And oddly enough, almost everything is classified as “small stuff”. It is like someone gave me a new pair of glasses and the view is completely, and forever different She told me that all those clichés you thought were crazy or annoying, like "take it one day at a time", "don't sweat the small stuff" and "God never gives you more than you can handle" soon become your survival guide. Ugh. I never liked clichés. I have always found them to be oversimplified and annoying. I guess that is about to change. Aside from the immediate change in perspective, there is also a change in speed. Everything slows down, as if I am in a time warp. I feel like I am in a movie and I just stepped off the train onto the platform and the bullet-train of life keeps whizzing by. I feel left behind. I feel terrified and I am dreadfully sad.