The Ripple Effect of Being

In the 1990’s I was a single parent running my own business and had commenced a PhD. I contracted glandular fever and consequently developed Post Infective Fatigue Syndrome (PIFS, also known as CFS or ME). My eldest daughter became sick at the same time. She was thirteen, and although she is extremely intelligent, she was physically unable to complete high school. We were both confined to bed for two years. The effect of this disease is not like the ripples of a pebble in a pond, but more like having a boulder chucked unexpectedly into a small puddle. I have felt like the puddle trapped under a rock for the last couple of decades, annihilated by the effects of a boulder of a microscopic “bug”. The virus which caused our lives to suddenly stop was Epstein-Barr. EBV is unpleasant, but only devastating if you happen to meet a number of criteria, including (it is believed) being the unlucky recipient of one “faulty” gene. When activated, this gene permanently changes the chemical make-up of the physical body, as if there is a sudden and catastrophic climate change, or perhaps as if an atom bomb has gone off inside. The fall-out continues for years. It feels like a once fertile rain forest has been denuded by acid rain, or a glitch in the central processing unit has reconfigured the energy systems causing the computer to crash. The feelings I experienced were similar to the feelings anyone going through a life changing traumatic event experiences, but I did not understand the pattern. I just wanted my previous life back - to be cured. However, my altered immune system meant I developed several auto-immune conditions and contracted other viruses, relapsing for months at a time. I also developed migraines which were accompanied by visual disturbances, including seeing “auras” around people. When this happened, I was fascinated. The auras were different, but some seemed to convey characteristics which reflected abilities and interests, as if we each have our own identifying Soul Colour/personality structure. I wondered if the migraines I had viewed as further problems were actually gifts, providing a different perspective, like a window to information we cannot usually see. I wondered if the different colours of these auras reflected our individual thought patterns, or if we think differently because we see the world through the colour of our own aura. I wondered how thoughts were formed - how our thoughts could evoke emotions, and how our feelings are expressed physically. I wondered if physical pain, memories or an emotion - like joy - has recognisable colours. It felt like the colours around people had a language I did not understand, as if the colours contained information ready to be communicated. Except most of us cannot normally see auras. If auras reflect thought, I wondered if thinking in a particular way would help me get better. I had read many books on positive thinking - but the virus still lived inside me and thinking positively did not seem to change that anymore than positive thinking will grow back a lost limb. The colours I could see seemed to indicate there was more to us than positive or negative attitudes. I started to closely observe how people interact, reflect off each other, diminish or enrich the lives of those around them with their words and actions. I realised how obviously thoughts are reflected in micro expressions and movements even when people concentrate on being polite. Whenever we interact, there is refraction and reflection, rippling from one person to another. I could see energy entwine or clash, meld or deflect, depending on the pattern of communication or relationships. Those times during which auric colours were visible to me felt magical - as if I was given a glimpse into a different dimension. I could see how our energy surrounds us and ripples around others, lighting them up or dampening them as if there is a natural resonance effect of our being with other people. I wondered why we interact in the ways we do - if the essence of us responds to the colours of others, or if our colours change depending on who we are with. Electromagnetically, we can be energised or drained according to the direction of flow of energy. I saw how energy could be generated with intention, and gradually understood we have the ability to find and feel joy whatever our circumstances. But we have to work with intention to direct that ability, learn the power of reactions and responses in each moment, delight in the gift we are given as the present, and share that delight. Can we learn to open the past as a present to our future?