Pitter-Pat
A Mother’s Journey from Loss to New Life
by
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I couldn't do it on your birthday. Not on the actual day that you were born. But for some reason, today, I opened the purple box. ...ten perfect toes. (please note: this line is in italics) Inside the purple box from the hospital were your footprints. I had forgotten how tiny you were. "Are those Gabriel's, Mama?" I startled, hadn't known that he was there peering over my shoulder. Within the perfect angles of his face, I absorbed his kind eyes, looking now with open curiosity at what I held in my hands. I had watched my nurse that night make these footprints of yours, carefully smearing paint, or maybe ink, on the bottom of your feet, taking care to coat each precious toe. Then she pressed paper against your feet while, with her other hand, she held your ankles and feet still. She smiled down at you as she worked--she had lost a baby, too--and it was easy for her to get your footprints, because with you... there was no worry about you wiggling or moving around. Now, today, your brother moved in closer to my side, peering into the purple box to see what other treasures he might find. "Did you make this, Mama?" It was a baby-blue thank you card with a photocopy of your footprints glued to the front. "I did," I nodded, sadly. "I made several of them." He took the thank you card and placed it in a corner on my desk, sitting it up like a framed picture. "Let's just put it here, then," he smiled, "so that it's not hidden away in that purple box." And I knew, as I've known for some time now, that your brother is wise... so much wiser than I could ever hope to be.
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About the Book
No one goes into pregnancy expecting to lose a child. Even when it happens, the event can feel so surreal a mother can wonder if she’s just woken from a terrible nightmare. In Pitter-Pat, author Amy Erickson offers a touching and often heartrending memoir about a mother trying to make sense of her life after the unexpected loss of her second child, Gabriel, who was born prematurely and who lived briefly before passing. Written in the form of letters to her lost son, it documents the events in Erickson’s life that transpired following her loss. The correspondence reinforces her deep and abiding love for Gabriel, her devotion to his memory, as well as her commitment to telling the world her son lived, he mattered, and he will always live on in heaven. Her depiction of her relationship with her first son, Julian, is equally touching, as this family of three tries in earnest to bring another child into their home. Pitter-Pat shares a raw, unfiltered, honest portrayal of what it means to grieve for a child, subtly addressing the pressures of society to heal quickly after loss, the difficulties in maintaining previous relationships in a world turned upside down, and the isolation and alienation grieving parents often feel. This memoir offers insight for any parent who has experienced the loss of a child or anyone seeking to better understand this journey of grief.
About the Author
Amy Erickson is a writer, a blogger, and a mother whose personal story of love and loss is both heartbreaking and healing. Starting out with a degree in psychology and a career in fitness, she turned to writing after the death of her second child to cope with grief and with hopes to help others suffering from loss. Erickson lives in Washington State. This is her debut book. Visit her online at Awakeningwildflower.com.