Atta Girl!

Chapter 10 What Anyone Thinks of Me Is None of My Business “What makes you different or weird, that’s your strength.”-Meryl Streep THE most important thing that a woman needs to become happier in life is to finally embrace, once and for all, the practice of not giving a rat’s ass what anyone thinks of her. This is also the critical key to embracing your true power. When you stop caring what others think, you are on your way to becoming the person YOU love — not the person you think others will love. It is the moment you become the real you. This is not easy to accomplish, however. If there is anything in this world that I wish I could totally get rid of, it is caring what others think of me. These questions pop up every now and then: • Is this okay to do? • What will people think of me? • Will it make her/him angry? • What if they don’t like me? • What if I hurt her feelings? I’m not alone in this. Whenever I share with groups the importance of not giving a rat’s ass what others think, the reactions are striking. For example, when I introduce this at Camp Atta Girl!, my participants become quite animated. It’s as if their entire lives they’ve been holding this in. They’ve cared far too much about the feelings and opinions of others for far too long. They’ve been so ticked off about it, that they explode. It ends up being quite cathartic for them. I love it. I don’t love that it’s happened to them of course. I love that they’ve had it! Their personal mantras become “ENOUGH!” and “I don’t care!” It’s wonderful to hear. In fact, the concept of “ENOUGH!” is a big reason why I created Camp Atta Girl! When I was training to become a Let Your Yoga Dance teacher, there were four components that really spoke to me: • Safety: music and dance that connect to the earth. Feeling that grounding and the safety of having a solid foundation for myself was freeing. • Power: music and dance that connect to strength, power and bravery. When I was in the corporate world, I often walked on eggshells, not wanting to rock the boat too much. I rocked it at times, but not often enough. • Love: music that connects to the heart. We’re often told to not show emotion, especially at work (don’t you dare cry in front of your boss). But it’s important to show emotion, to love yourself, to have compassion and empathy for yourself and others. • Voice: music that connects to sound, truth and being the “real” you. Women are often afraid to express themselves, to use their voice, afraid to show the world their real selves. But being you is the most important aspect of regaining your power. Of these components, by far, power and voice spoke to me the loudest. All my life, especially in the corporate world, I felt I had little power and little voice. This isn’t surprising. Many corporate cultures tout that they want people to have a voice, but it’s often quieted when it doesn’t match with what the company has in mind. When your voice is squelched enough, your feeling of having power over any situation gets squelched, too. It’s a vicious cycle: you lose your voice because you feel you have no power; and because you feel you have no power, you’re afraid to speak up. When you have to navigate sh*tshows over and over, you soon tire of even trying. You become complacent. You toss in the towel. Power and voice are big ones! From experience, I knew they were big for other women, too. So, they became the guiding light for the women attending Camp Atta Girl! So many women are f—ing tired of watching everything they do, caring about what they look like and walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting someone. We’re tired of being afraid of not being liked or possibly hurting someone’s feelings. Women are just tired of not being themselves. Not being yourself is the furthest thing from embracing your power. It’s time to stop the madness! It’s time to stop worrying about others’ opinions of you. It’s time to own your energy, space and power. The reality is no matter what you do, someone is not going to like it. You can’t control others’ thoughts and feelings. You can’t make everyone like you. You can only control your own thoughts and feelings. You can only care about what you think about yourself. What anyone else thinks about you is none of your business. When you live your life based on what others think, you’re living their life, not yours. I’m not saying it’s time for you to become a raging bitch — although, that may be incredibly cathartic. I’m a big believer in the power of kindness. But I’m also a big believer in embracing your true self and loving every bit of it. It’s time to be the real you. You know what? If the real you is a raging bitch, that’s okay, too. So, the next time you find yourself wondering, “Is she going to get mad at me?” or “What if I do this, and they don’t like me?” Stop and repeat this quote from Wayne Dyer a few times: What anyone thinks of me is none of my business. Then, think about what it is you want to do and ask yourself these questions: • Will this make me happy? • Will I be able to sleep knowing I followed my thoughts, not what I think someone else is thinking? • Will this harm anyone? • Is this the real me? If your answers feel authentic and no harm will come to another, then go for it.