Worthy

Introduction THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWER OF KINDNESS Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. —The 14th Dalai Lama How do we help children who have gained too much weight too fast feel cared for, loved, and safe? How do we prevent children from experiencing fat-shaming, weight bias, and bullying in our culture? How do we compassionately and kindly care for children who are going through changes in their weight? The Covid-19 pandemic has magnified the problem of gaining too much weight too fast for children and adults. Stress, inactivity, comfort eating, and increased screen time made it relatively easy to gain 20-30 lbs, the average excess weight gain reported by pediatricians. Worthy is a parent’s guide to help you understand your feelings about weight, help you understand how you perceive your child’s weight, and show you how to help your child to be their healthiest self. As someone who has spent over 20 years working all over the US and internationally in leadership roles, including directing the New York State Center for Best Practices to Prevent Childhood Obesity and evaluating Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move program and the Alliance for a Healthier Generation’s childhood obesity programs, I’ve talked at length with doctors, parents, teachers, health insurers, policymakers, researchers, and scientists about the childhood obesity epidemic. I have learned so much about how to help children and parents who struggle daily with embarrassing, stigmatizing conditions and are ashamed to ask anyone or seek professional help. I am inspired and committed to sharing what I have learned about weight issues during the childhood obesity epidemic so that children and families can stop suffering in silence. In Worthy, you will learn how to create a safe space for your child and receive the help and resources they need to have a healthy and happy childhood. I want to give parents hope because I know how to help. While some researchers disagree over whether parents and doctors should discuss weight-related issues with children, I share the opinion of a growing number of experts that we should speak with children about gaining too much weight too fast. When we fail to kindly and compassionately discuss children’s weight changes, we are simply not helping them. Our silence does not protect children from bullying, feelings of unworthiness, or social isolation. What is most concerning is the relationship between bullying and suicide, especially in children who have gained too much weight too fast. Children who are victims of weight-related teasing or bullying are 2-3 times more likely to report thoughts of suicide or to engage in self-harming behavior, such as self-cutting. What an alarming statistic. Worthy will help families use the power of kindness to create body-positive environments at home, school, and the doctor’s office. Healing our sense of worthiness and our children’s worthiness is emotional work that requires open, loving hearts to dissolve the shame and set productive boundaries. Worthy uses the best research and tools to help families build body-positive, loving homes filled with kindness and joy. Dads have told me, “This is embarrassing, but why does my eight-year-old son have breasts?” Moms are worried about early puberty and how they can protect their nine-year-old who just started menstruation and has the body of a developing preteen. The big secret is that researchers and experts know that obesity isn’t a willpower problem; it’s a physiological problem. Starving somebody thin works temporarily, but the body is too smart. It will eventually take over by lowering metabolism and increasing hunger. Getting medical help for a child gaining too much weight too fast isn’t taking the easy way out -- it may be the only way out. Parents need guidance on finding the right doctor, talking to medical professionals in a way that will help their child, and showing clinicians they are serious about helping their child. Many parents want to address the underlying medical conditions causing too much weight gain too fast in their child and get sustained support so their child can get better. Children dealing with weight changes need resilient, compassionate advocates. During this obesity pandemic, some parents may need to become their family’s obesity experts. Worthy will encourage you to keep searching and keep hopeful until you find the right combination of things to help your child and yourself feel more confident and capable. We can do better for our children—we must—the consequences are too significant—the risk of having even one child going through weight changes feel unloved or unsafe is unacceptable. You and your child are worthy of loving-kindness.