Discover the Gift

Adversity is the diamond dust Heaven polishes its jewels with.
— THOMAS CAR LYLE

The truth is, there is good in absolutely everything that happens. We signed up for this experience so that we could learn lessons. The things that we learn are to better us, to make us grow, to improve us, and to empower us, even if an experience seems to be negative at the time, even if it seems to be very sad or something that you might be fearful of. The truth is, if you look for the good—if you look for that good—it's there.
— SONIA POWERS

Tragedy. Failure. Loss. Rejection. Pain. Each of these events shocks and saddens us and weighs us down. But Step 6, adversity and transforma- tion, is about understanding that there are Gifts in all circumstances.
   Of course, adversity is not a word usually associated with a Gift. How is it possible that an unexpected outcome, a plan gone awry, or a personal betrayal is often a doorway to our greatest Gifts?
   There are many events that we perceive as tragic and painful, that show up to stop us from what we think we want. If we focus on our disappointment, or how much we hurt, all we will feel is the pain, and that pain will keep us from being present to the idea that every one of these situations contains within it a turning point, a fresh start, a new beginning. A rebirth. In other words, you can think of adversity as marking the end of one stage and the beginning of an opportunity to advance to the next level. As it is said, "When God closes a window, He also opens a door." In this way, adverse outcomes, resistance to our best-laid plans, friends and peers who don't share our vision—all are pathways to the discovery of our own Gift and our own reason for being.
   This step states that during our lifetime, each of us will encounter a certain level of adversity—a series of problems and challenges, if you will. You could call these occurrences tests of initiation, for the pur- pose of strengthening the light within. We must consider each of these tests to be a challenge and remain connected to our hearts when moving ahead. The greatest challenge will be your willingness in the face of ad- versity to open your heart again and again and again.
   When you pay very close attention to adversity, you will recognize that it is extremely powerful. Your capacity to manifest is challenged be- cause it requires you to make a shift inside.
You can either choose to transform or allow the adversity to con- trol you.

Transforming Through Adversity

Everything in your life is there as a vehicle for your transformation. Use it!
—RAM DASS

As we evolve, unfold, and transform, so do our Gifts and our ability to tune in to them and share them. Transformation may sound complicated, but this chapter demonstrates that it is a fairly straightforward matter of how we choose to see ourselves and others, and from there determining how we choose to think and act.
   Have you ever watched a singer who entranced you? Did you wonder why she had that effect on you? Putting personal taste aside, it's because she loves to sing—she can't help it. This is her Gift and by sharing it with you, she affects you.
   In the same way you have to actively share your Gift, and you will af- fect yourself, others, and the universe.
  Life at its best is a series of ups and downs. It goes without saying that each and every person will encounter problems throughout their lifetime. This truth—however unpleasant it seems—is actually a path- way to the discovery of unseen Gifts. Life's adversities, though usually unwelcome, are many of the stepping stones along your journey.

   During Demian's senior year in college, a creative tragedy rocked him to his core. He had spent over a year making his senior thesis film, A Statue in Time. Many people in our community contributed money and resources to this epic adventure, which was set in both medieval times and modern-day New York City. After he had completed pro- duction on the film that was sure to propel him into the career he had always dreamed of, a moment of neglect sent Demian's dream up in smoke. His life's work vanished, and Demian quite literally disappeared.
   It took Richard, our father, two days to find him, and when he did, Demian was in total despair and on the verge of suicide. Richard took Demian into his art studio and had him paint a graph that represented his emotions. "Here, Son," Dad said, "put the brush on the canvas. Start- ing at the center here, if the top of the canvas is the highest you could feel and the bottom is the lowest, I want you to think back to when your movie was going to be made. How did you feel?"
   Demian painted a line to the top.

  Dad continued: "And when you discovered that the university might pull the plug because the project had gotten too big . . . how did you feel?"
   Demian painted a line to the bottom. As Dad continued to ask ques- tions, the graph grew until Demian's entire emotional experience was painted before him. Then Dad said, "Now put the brush back on the canvas and draw a horizontal line in one motion." Demian did as he was told.
  Both Dad and Demian then stepped back from the canvas, and Dad asked, "Do you know what that is, Son?"
   "No, Dad, I don't . . . what is it?"
   Richard responded with something we never forgot. "This is the life of a human being. You will experience the greatest heights and the lowest of lows. Your job is to always return to the center line."
   Of course it isn't easy or part of conventional wisdom to regard your tragedies as breakthroughs to who and what you are. And who wants to hear from someone on the sidelines, even if it's a friend or loved one, that what's upsetting you is potentially a great Gift?
   We can tell you that the depth of the pain we experienced when our mother died was one of the most defining moments of our lives. As Demian recalls, "I can tell you that identifying my mother's car and seeing the blood and the pieces of her inside that car was a very difficult moment for me. If someone had said to us then, 'Wow, your pain is a great Gift. Demian, you're going to be a filmmaker who creates great sto- ries, and, Shajen, you're going to be an educator and mother and maybe one day do something to change the world,' we would have told them to jump off a cliff. Or worse."
   In retrospect, what happened changed our lives even more drastically than we ever thought. And, luckily, because our mother and father had already encouraged our Gifts from when we were very young, we in- nately, if not consciously, understood who and what we were. We had something we could hang on to—a stronger relation to our Gifts.
  As Demian recalls: "My understanding of this law became part of me, even though I didn't know it was a law, in the aftermath of losing everything that I knew to be solid and real in life: my family structure; my home, which had burned down; and my mother, who had died. That rapid disintegration made it necessary for me to create a new life that had never existed prior to that moment. It wasn't a slow process, but an immediate need. Because I had within me the seeds of my Gift of being a filmmaker, I had something I could hang on to, something that gave me power in the face of tragedy. Maybe I wouldn't end up a filmmaker, but I knew deep down that I could trust my capacity as an artist. Because I had to move forward in a dire situation, I trusted myself to keep being able to do that."