Watkins Tapsell’s Guide to Separation and Family Law
or, Everything You Need to Know before You Divorce but are Afraid to Ask
by
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No one takes the decision to separate lightly. In fact, the decision is quite often the culmination of months (or years) of forethought and planning. The choice to separate from a partner is sometimes easy, but is more often quite difficult and complex. There are many things to consider and there are many things to plan. In any scenario, making the decision to separate is life-altering (albeit often that is a positive). That decision is akin to "taking a leap" – it requires bravery and throwing yourself into the unknown. There is no guarantee of anything, there is no safety. You are taking a chance – a chance that your life is going to be better as a result of this dramatic life-move. One of the key factors at play when you are starting the journey towards ending a relationship, is the support of loved ones and/or professionals. When pursuing separation, people tend to think of themselves as being isolated. They often excommunicate themselves from social groups and lose joint friendships enjoyed during the relationship. This is the opposite of what should occur. Separation is truly a time in which the person on the journey should reach out and remain connected and engaged with people in their life. Whilst separation can be burdensome in many ways, the burden on a newly separated person is substantially eased if they have trusted people with whom they can discuss the process and who can provide them with guidance and encouragement. Great examples of personal supports can be loved ones such as adult children, siblings, parents, friends and even a new life partner. These familial and friend-based supports are invaluable for people going through family relationship breakdowns. These supports can be used to discuss the problems you are facing, to provide you with informal advice and to just get your mind off things for a while. In some situations (especially emotionally gruelling break ups), you can, in addition, seek out professional support to assist you to cope. Examples of professional supporters include counsellors, life coaches, mentors, religious leaders or mental health professionals such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. There can be great benefits gained by a person seeking professional support while dealing with a family relationship crisis. Lawyers are often the first professionals approached for advice but they are not necessarily the best professionals to assist clients with the emotional and mental health aspects of their personal lives – it is simply not what lawyers are trained to do. A good lawyer will, however, identify issues and refer a client to appropriate trusted professionals who can provide those services. It is also important to know that, in our social-media age, there are a multitude of online supports available for the newly separated, covering such issues such as parenting, managing your emotions, managing your finances and "moving on". We always recommend that, before you take the first step towards implementing a separation, you should consolidate and understand your support network so that it is available at the times you need it. Without that support, you risk facing an overpowering sense of isolation which can either, at best, undermine your attempts to end the relationship or, at worst, put you in a position where your ability to negotiate a sensible end to the relationship is compromised. This compromise can be at an emotional or a financial level. EXAMPLE: Todd and Michelle had been together for 30 years. Todd was a narcissist who was totalling controlling throughout the relationship. Michelle was now 60 and had not been in the workforce for 20 years and wanted 50% of their total assets. Todd didn't use a lawyer and was not giving an inch. Todd argued over everything so Michelle's legal costs were escalating. Todd believed Michelle's contribution was only worth 30% of the assets. Michelle knew she would get 50% if she went to court but she was emotionally drained. She felt alone and worn down and just wanted out so she accepted 30% of their assets.
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About the Book
There’s no getting around it: Deciding to get divorced is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make, and going through one is not easy.
But you can make it easier by arming yourself with information, knowing what to expect, and protecting your interests.
Three partners with the Watkins Tapsell law firm answer the questions you have about divorce but are afraid to ask in this guide, and they also share answers to questions you should be asking but haven’t considered. Find out how to:
• identify a support network at the start of the separation process;
• notify your partner that the marriage is over;
• work out post-separation living arrangements;
• tailor a negotiation approach based on your partner’s emotional status; and
• protect yourself if faced with the risk of violence.
The authors also explore what you need to do to ensure you don’t lose a jointly-owned home, ways to make divorce easier on children, and how to navigate the complicated emotions that arise when a marriage ends.
Protect yourself and your loved ones—physically, financially, and emotionally—with this essential guide for anyone contemplating or going through a divorce.
About the Author
Matthew Coates is a partner at the law firm Watkins Tapsell and has been pracitising family law in Sydney, Australia, since 1980. He has experienced the difficulties faced by ordinary people as they go through divorce, which inspired him to write this book. He lives in Southern Sydney with his wife and two daughters and enjoys golf, playing guitars, and singing.
Kristy Durrant is a partner at Watkins Tapsell and an accredited specialist in family law. She has been practising law since 2004 and is a trained mediator. She formerly was a primary school teacher and worked as a lawyer with the Department of Education. She lives with her husband and three children in Southern Sydney.
Jamie Roche is a partner at Watkins Tapsell. He began his law career in 2002 in the United States and is a member of the bar in Massachusetts and New Hampshire. He is now practising law in Australia. Throughout his career, he has practised extensively in family law, and he is an accredited mediator. He lives in Southern Sydney with his wife and two sons.