Designed To Be Uniquely Me

Finally, after about 2 weeks of work and impatiently waiting, we got our power and water hooked up and we were able to stay in our own home. However the telephone was a whole other story. I used my in-law’s phone every day to call the telephone company and ask them to get the phone lines in place so that I could get my phone hooked up. It took at least 6 months of my constant phone calls and repetitive questions for the telephone company to put up the telephone lines to the trailer park. They needed a payment of $3000 to do the work and asked the bishop of the church to pay that so I would stop calling. In the meantime I still had to rely on my sister-in-law allowing me use of her phone. I would call my parents at least 3 times a week just to keep them up to date on how things were going.

The hardest part at this point had been my complete disconnect from all I knew and my total reliance upon strangers for everything. Yes, they were my family, but they were still strangers to me. I felt like I had to prove my validity of being and living in this place where this group of people lived. Validity of remaining who I was and not attached or baptized into this group, but still living in peaceful co-existence with them. I was sharing with them my authenticity and vulnerability, along with my truth. I felt it would get easier as time went on as long as I remained true and honest with myself.

Once we got our water hooked up, we planted grass seed in the front yard. I had to water every day to help this seed to grow. It was in the middle of a hot summer day as I was standing outside watering the grass. I was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, just like I would be at home. I saw my aunt-in-law heading towards me with a handful of dresses on hangers, prepared to tell me the way things were around there and the rules they expected me to follow. Before she could make it across the street, her husband gently took her by the arm and directed her back towards their house. I got the point of her message but I didn’t care. The point was that in this community, you need to follow the rule of being covered up. I dressed differently than this group did, but I was told that would be fine. Everyone looked at me with a critical eye and talked about me behind my back. I knew this and I kept my chin held high. I had been invited by the bishop to live here freely, and I had every right to be here. EVERY RIGHT!! It was so hard to integrate into this group as they did not like outsiders.

It was also very hard to make friends in this community. Even though I knew Sam’s sisters and brothers as young children, they were different as adults. When I walked into the room, the talking stopped and the room cleared out. There is no clearer message than that. I was not allowed in their circle due to being different. What was ironic was that I was the normal one and they were the ones that were different from the rest of the world. They were living a very different lifestyle that had been illegal for many years. I simply shook my head and left. Feeling sad and lonely, I decided it was time to get a job and fill my days being useful. At least then there would be friends to talk to.