365 Rules of the New World

Rule #349: Snow blowers If you live in a climate similar to Southern Ontario, you DO NOT need a snow blower! Why?... I'm glad you asked...

1. Exercise: Assuming you don't have any health issues and you take it easy, shoveling snow can be good exercise. 2. Kids: If you have kids, they need to get out there. What better way to get them off the couch and away from the video games. And often it will lead to something fun like a snowball fight or building a snowman or snow fort. My kids have even started shoveling other driveways for money with their friends. If your kids are older than 4, get them out there. And if they try to charge you, just let them know your taking it off what they owe you for food, board, clothes etc...... 3. Mr. Plow:

Need the driveway done but can't? Call a plow. Can't afford it? Let's break it down. I think you can get a dude with a pick up and a shovel to do your driveway for about $25.00. And let's also say you can get a new snow blower for about $1,000.00. 1,000 / 25 = 40. So for the price of a snow blower you could get 40 plows. If you only get your driveway plowed 5 times a year and get the kids to do it the rest, you could get 8 years of plowing for the price of that nice shiny snow blower that is stored in your garage doing nothing 359 days a year. 4. Maintenance: Snowblower = Maintenance. No snow blower = No Maintenance. 'Nuff said. 5. Environment:

According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the average snow blower creates about one pound of carbon monoxide emissions per hour. To put this figure into perspective, it takes a car driving approximately 70 miles to make the same amount of emissions. Overall, small machines, including snow blowers, create 25% of mobile sources hydrocarbon emissions. During mild winters I've heard people say that they take their snow blower out and clear 1" of snow just to get some use out of it! If your that bored, come over to my place. I've got lots to do. 6. Your neighbor: Everyone's got a neighbor with a snow blower that is good for at least one blow a season. 7. Storage: Look in your garage. See that area in your garage dedicated to that big dumb machine all summer? Taking up all that room where you could store your empty beer cases. 8. And finally.... GOD! Whatever you believe that to be. Whoever brought that wonderful white pain in the ass, is eventually going to take it away (assuming you live close to the 49th parallel)

In the new world, this lesson will be part of the public education system to help people free themselves of these evil machines. And people using snow blowers will be made fun of. AND SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!