The Treasure That Came into the World to Find Its Self.

from the Introduction When I was much younger, I heard the great gospel singer, Mahalia Jackson, sing “I know my God is real because I feel Him in my soul.” She sang the words with a great feeling that conveyed what I also felt, a mystery deep within. My destiny, I have come to realize, has been to find and understand the nature of God for myself. I realize, also, I am the one who must experience and bear witness to my destiny, for in the process of affirming our destiny, as C. G. Jung suggests, only then can we endure it. This means that I am my task. The Treasure That Came into the World to Find Its Self is about this journey. These images, and the words embedded in them, came to me, I now understand, because of my inner need to experience the feminine side of the Godhead, or, the mystery of being, as I prefer to refer to God. Although The Treasure arrived mid-way in my life, it has taken me another forty years to live the path it laid out for me. It has given profound meaning to my life. I present it now somewhat apprehensively. My hope is that, perhaps, it will be a gift of value for others as it was for me. . . . The Treasure That Came into the World to Find Its Self emerged from a source within, a deep inner place, a place of true being. The Treasure came to me in the early1970s when I was living in a small, one-room home my husband had built for us in the woods in Inverness, California. My world was bishop pines whose needles caught the cold summer fog, fine warm falls and springs, and winter sun and rain. We were near the ocean with long stretches of magnificent sand. One of these beaches was a temenos for me, a safe place where I felt contained and connected within myself. We lived with a lhasa apso, an old English sheep dog, and a very fine cat. Quietly, The Treasure came to me. I received the words and made the drawings that embedded them. It made me. I did not make it. I did not know, only sensed, what I was doing—certainly I did not know why. The Treasure did not come from my conscious self, my ego, but from an inner reality some might call soul. I believe The Treasure was destiny, something beyond my power to control. I was necessary to do the work, of course. I brought it in. My son, Carey, had suggested the snail. I knew that was just right. The spiral then came from the snail. A snail is self-contained. I liked that. I do not remember how much time it took to complete the work, but the process was slow, snail like. When I finished it, I did not know where it belonged. I was somewhat embarrassed by it. I was painting large abstract expressionist work on canvas with oil paint at the time. The Treasure was done on small sheets of paper, using watercolor, ink and colored pencils. It was, by luck, chance, or destiny once more, that I knew the woman who worked as a secretary for Dr. Joseph Henderson. I showed her The Treasure and she suggested I show it to Dr. Henderson, and made an appointment for me. I went. Dr. Henderson had worked directly with Carl Jung. He was a founder of the C. G. Jung Institute of San Francisco, and author of important books and articles concerning the psyche. As he looked through The Treasure, Dr. Henderson told me his understanding of each of the thirty-seven pages. (I include his notes in an appendix to this volume.) In spite of my previous work with my first analyst, I really did not understand Dr. Henderson’s insights, although I sensed their importance for me. I was not ready for the psychological wisdom he brought to The Treasure that day. I did feel great gratitude. It seemed an inner homecoming to a place of light, warmth, and deep wisdom I had not known existed. Soon after, I became Dr. Henderson’s analysand and was able to work with him for many years. The work was difficult, often painful, but always meaningful. The Treasure brought me this. Slowly I came closer to my self. I struggled. I got through. It became a new life, a new way of being in the world. I found a dimension of existence I could not have imagined. I became a painter. I wrote poetry. He was an extraordinary human being. Then, at 104, Dr. Henderson died. Now another way came to me, this time from a woman, Dr. Joan Chodorow. She is also a Jungian analyst, an author, a scholar, and a dancer who became a therapist of the body. This was all new to me. I did not like it, and often I did not like her. It was a long time before I trusted her. It was a very difficult time for me. Dr. Chodorow patiently led me. Over time, she brought me the true understanding of The Treasure. Finally, I understood it was the way of the feminine, of Eros, that had been wounded when I was very young. It takes a long, long time to become a whole person. Slowly, slowly, like the snail, I began to allow in the light of the feminine way. This is the reality of The Treasure. The feminine spirit in the mystery of God needed to be found within my soul. I began to connect with the body, and know it as a way to be close to my inner self. It is different, but, as much as dreams had led me for many years to my deepest being, connecting with the body has brought healing as well. The feminine became a new center of consciousness I had not known. The shield I held up began to drop away. I was becoming a whole human being for the first time. The Treasure began to find its self. It was not easy. I had to dig deeply to find it. I had to fight for my self. I had to discover this Treasure that came from within in order to know for myself the reality of God, my true inner self, the mystery within. I lose it when I lose my ground, but now I know when that happens. I find my way back. It will never be easy. The work goes on. Suffering comes, but peace comes slowly as well. I am grateful for my life and all it has brought me. I lost my soul as a very young child. I had to find it again. I had to find my way. Knowing its significance in my life, Dr. Henderson cautioned me to return to The Treasure from time to time, to keep it close. I was often remiss, letting too much time pass, but it has always been near. Now, after all these years, I begin to know it deeply. I need it. I try to live it in life each day. It is not easy, but it is the ground of my being. I know the Eye, and I know my I, a little speck of dust in the large universe of the Eye. I am God. I am a part of the Mystery of Being. I am also my very small self. We are One. The Treasure brought me its gold. I begin to feel a whole human being. I needed to find this living mystery within my soul. I am humbled and grateful. I received a gift of great wonder, of enormous value. It seems a spiritual birth in reality, a real event of earth, air, fire and water that happened to me. I believe now, The Treasure has found its self at last.