Messages from Children … and What They Can Teach Grown-ups

6
Seek to Understand

“But mommy, they make me so happy and you always say to do what makes me happy.”
“I understand, but butterflies are made to fly.”
“But they’re so beautiful and I love them.”
“If you love them, then you should let them go.”
“But you said that love is the most important thing.”
“Yes, but how would you feel if an alien came from outer space and decided to keep you in a cage because you’re so beautiful?”
“How long would he keep me?”
Not the response I anticipated.

Admittedly, it is not always easy to listen and respond thoughtfully when everything you say is met with “but you said” or “but, you don’t understand.” We all want to be right and want others, particularly our children, to see the validity in what we say and in our ways of doing things. When our beliefs and ideas are called into question, it is an opportunity to check in with ourselves and consider all the reasons for our particular stance.

"Why can't butterflies be pets?” "What if we lived in a different world where dogs lived outside and butterflies could live inside?” She was trying to figure out what exactly defined a pet and who gets to decide. Just because things are the way they have always been, doesn't necessarily make them right. We do have to allow questions and seek to understand the viewpoints of others. We cannot discount another person’s position without hearing them fully. We can always decide for ourselves what feels right within us. We don’t have to share the same beliefs, but even we disagree we can do so with grace and respect. We can still work together and find ways that don’t compromise our values and beliefs.

Since our “butterfly debate,” several of the children in our neighborhood joined my daughter and me in raising butterflies. It turns out that only two to eight butterflies will survive from every hundred eggs that a Monarch female lays. Insects, rodents, weather, humans and habitat loss are some of the common threats to the butterfly eggs. These eggs can be found on the underside of milkweed plants that grow in vacant fields or along the side of the road here in New England. By raising Monarch butterflies, we assist in preserving the beautiful Monarch population and get to witness one of nature’s miracles.

We can watch the miracle transformation of a butterfly egg through its different stages, but then we have to let it fly. If we cannot give a “pet” a better life than what they would have outdoors, then outside is where they need to stay. We can appreciate nature’s beauty, but we still need to respect it.