Soul Service
A Hospice Guide to the Emotional and Spiritual Care for the Dying
by
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The Good Death vs. the Train Wreck Death
Almost everyone has a definition of what a good death is. Overall, most feel a good death is pain free, peaceful, where the patient has everything as he requested and where the family dynamics – which can often be quite complex - is in harmony. That is a happy death – the family and the patient are at peace.
The “train wreck death” is missed opportunity - perhaps emotionally or spiritually in order to bring some closure to that life. Old family wounds are left unhealed or problems or challenges that people have had with one another are left unaddressed. Those involved have hung on to their resentments and remained closed to forgiveness. No one is allowed to see how all of these things were really not very important after all.
The amount of pain and suffering a person undergoes and how a person deals with it leads directly to the type of death one experiences. Comfort care offers the promise of humanizing the process of dying, and can focus medical attention more on improving the quality than the quantity of the time remaining.
Helping vs. Serving
There is a profound difference between helping and serving. Helping is based on inequality and draws from strength toward weakness. Helping results in debt of the spirit and causes depletion, hence burnout. Helping may leave the person who is the helper with a feeling of self satisfaction, but they are working from the attitude of brokenness. This attitude creates a distance between the helper and person being helped. Helping requires mastery and expertise from specialists in their respective areas. Helping is the work of the ego and the ego likes to judge and feel superior. Helping is viewed as working on curing the person being assisted.
On the other hand, serving is based on equality and draws from wholeness to wholeness which results in restoring worth to the person on the receiving end. Serving causes renewal and a feeling of gratitude. The service oriented person is working from a place of trust and integrity which therefore creates connectedness and a willingness to touch the other person’s life in a meaningful way. The act of serving requires surrendering to the mystery and awe of the experience, a willingness to be used for the betterment of the situation at hand. Serving is the work of the soul rather than the ego. Service oriented people see life as an evolving mystery that is rooted in the holy and sacred and the object is to heal rather than cure the person being assisted.
Most caregivers feel that it is a privilege to do the work they do. It is an honor to walk in through the door of a dying person’s home and be accepted and valued by the family for the contribution they make. For those who serve the most important thing for them is to be there and to keep the patient and the family grounded in reality.
Listening is key and listening to what the patient wants and needs is essential. And to listen to what is not being said – to read between the lines – and to put your own belief systems and prejudices aside and help them achieve is what they really want. The return gift the caregiver receives is the removal of fear for their own death. By working every day with people who are going through the dying process, they see death; they appreciate the courage they see as other people face it and know they can do it too. They observe and know that they have everything they need to have a good death on their own terms.
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About the Book
“Whether you are a hospice professional, relative, or volunteer, this book will be of value to you in servicing the patient or your loved one as they approach their transition.”
—Raymond Moody, MD, author of Life After Life
Soul Service speaks to the medical professional, lay person, dying person and family member about treating the dying from a holistic perspective. It provides a detailed navigation to spiritual and complementary care, as well as examines the phenomenon of metaphysical experiences at death. This book offers ideas on how to honor your loved one’s passing and assists with the process of how to choose the best hospice. Soul Service highlights the voices of medical professionals working from the highest level of service. It serves as a useful resource guide to the myriad organizations that are currently available to assist with the dying process.
About the Author
Robert Cowgill, MD was a hospice pioneer in Atlanta, Georgia as well as an oncology surgeon and hospice medical director. He adopted a holistic approach to helping his cancer patients by incorporating the mind, body, and spirit. Dr. Cowgill was featured on local and national television and in the press, addressing breast cancer issues as well as performing Healing Touch therapy on patients. After his death in 2006, his wife Christine continued his plans to write the end-of-life care book he started.
Christine Cowgill, MS, CRC, is a certified rehabilitation counselor who has worked for over ten years in the area of medical and vocational case management. Christine was honored as an individual winner by the Atlanta Committee for Olympic Games for assisting in organizing the first Meals on Wheels route to persons with AIDS in her county. She is also a licensed life and health insurance agent. Christine seeks to make positive social change in the area of end-of-life care through raising awareness and increasing mandatory training for our upcoming physicians and nurses in the areas of palliative, emotional and spiritual care to the dying.