21 days to Transform, Transcend, and Treasure Your Life

Chapter 4 When You’re Grateful It’s Hard To Be Hateful Somewhere around 35,000 feet and flying over the Rocky Mountains I was engaged in a conversation with a hard rock musician from Sacramento, CA. As much as externally we may have looked very different, we had found a deeper emotional connection. In finding our similarities we had both been divorced, and had found new relationships that were providing a loving and joyful experience. As the conversation turned to divorce, we shared a bit of our past, and he seemed intrigued by my relationship with my ex-husband, and how we could ever live and co-parent in such an open and loving way. The words rushed out of my mouth without even thinking; “when you’re grateful it’s hard to be hateful”. With that unexpected statement, I recounted my story. Grace and gratefulness often arrive at unexpected times, and grace that day, came to me on a tractor. I was on my riding lawn tractor, cutting the grass, enjoying the weather and appreciating my home from a different point of view. For me, cutting the grass is a peaceful experience, with plenty of time to reflect or to let my mind wander. Many thoughts had been entering my mind, and a constant stream of dialogue was rolling. It was dialogue from family and friends regarding my ex-husband, and what he would not be without me. I’m sure you’re familiar with the idea, how family wants to support us by letting us know how great we are, and how less than great anyone else may be. I was hearing words in my head from family members that stated things like “he wouldn’t be anything without you”, followed by specific examples of what he wouldn’t have, be, or do without me. It was easy to buy into, because in some ways they were correct, but was it true or balanced? As I decided to still those voices, a question was raised in my mind; what or who would I not be without him? My mind began to fill with a flood of images of how my life would be different, if I had never known him, and it was a humbling experience. I was so touched by what I discovered; that I took the time to write down all the things that he had given me, although nothing that I noted was material. I was overwhelmed with gratefulness and felt the need to write him a letter of thanks for all that he had provided me. Here is an excerpt from that letter: “Because of you, my world was opened to a new culture. Because of you, my world was opened to a new language. Because of you, I have my own business because you supported me emotionally to take the risk. Because of you, I am a better communicator having been encouraged by you. Because of you, I have a beautiful son. Because of you, I have eternal love because of the gift of my son. Because of you, I have grown as a human being, and am a better person for it. You challenged me to define my desires, and assess who I really am, and what my values are. You have given me more than you can know. I thank you for our years together, and for all the beautiful things you are. I choose to remember the goodness, and hope that you will find the love you always wanted. I wish you nothing but happiness, and much success! May all the deepest desires of your heart be fulfilled, because you deserve it! I will be forever grateful for your presence in my life, because without you I would have missed so much. Thank you for the years, and your love for our beautiful son.” I gave the letter to my ex-husband that day as he came to bring our son home from spending time with him. Within the next 15 minutes I received a phone call from him, emotionally thanking me for the letter, and telling me how much it meant to him. It was a moment of grace that changed our experience and has provided a sense of gratefulness for our future, as loving parents to a beautiful little boy. When we can reflect on our lives and our experiences, digging deep to see the treasure that has been left behind, we will experience richness that we may have never known. I encourage you to take the time and find the grace of being grateful, because when you’re grateful it’s hard to be hateful, and life takes on new meaning and joy for a love filled abundant future.