Uncovering Life's Gold Nuggets

Grandma and the Epiphany One of the things I did love growing up was being in the presence of Grandma. She was a loving and compassionate soul who was always serving. I remember stories of her inviting Servicemen over for Sunday dinner. When we would go to Grandmas, she had huge kisses and hugs for us. She would cook delicious meals and when we had a chance to sleep over, she would tuck us in and sing us bedtime songs. "Baby Boats a Silver Moon”was my favorite. When I was with Grandma, I was safe. The fear slipped away, at least for those periods of time. Grandma and Grandpa often hosted the family dinners including Sunday dinners, birthday dinners, Christmas and Easter dinners etc. It seemed we were always going to Grandmas and I loved it. Not only was it a safe place but there was always tons of food. Whereas my cousins were finicky eaters, I would eat anything and I especially loved meat, potatoes and gravy. Grandma’s delicious cooking often included use of lots of Crisco and butter. She aways battled her weight and high cholesterol but still lived into her 90s (so I guess that high fat diet was not so bad, at least for her). She attended diet club for as long as I can remember. While I don't recall her ever looking any thinner, I did enjoy hearing about Grandma and he diet club buddies going to the Dairy Queen across the street for Dilly Bars following their meetings. As we grew older and moved away, we would not see Grandma near as much but whenever we were in town, we would see her and get a fill of that unconditional love. She really was a caring and giving person and someone to emulate. Grandma had pretty good health late into life but like most elderly she ultimately had issues. Near the time of her passing, we were living in rural Nevada and were making arrangements to travel to the Northwest (where we were raised) and to our favorite place, Priest Lake. While packing we got a call that Grandma experienced a major stroke and that she was not likely to survive. Of course, we were very saddened by this but it was not unexpected. Of course, it put a damper on our enthusiasm so to improve our moods, my wife popped a lecture from one of our favorite self-help gurus, Wayne Dyer, into the tape player. While driving we often listened to cassettes and books on tape. Shortly into his dissertation he asked the listener to consider who was doing the listening. As I recall he said "who is the ghost in the machine". That one statement sparked in me the recognition of an awareness, an energy, that is not my mind or body but that is something more akin to spirit. That feeling, that my essence is residing somewhere in this body but that it is not my body and independent from my body, really struck home. It felt like something inside of me was connected to some bigger energy source. I later figured out, that source is God. I simply felt God and God’s love throughout my being. I feel like I went from not believing in God to a deep knowing of the existence of God and all his love. This really hit and I was intrigued and had to know more. To this day, it feels like I am remembering who I really am. When I stop and just notice my essence, I sense something that is not my body, not my brain and not my mind. It is more like my heart but it is not the physical heart, it is more like the energy that is me that is floating around somewhere centered in the heart. When I focus on this spot it sometimes feels like it has no boundaries and is part of a much bigger energy. It is like it is mine and I control it but it is a subset of a much bigger source. I now know that source to be God. Feeling my essence is like remembering heaven. I carried this feeling, this sense with me the rest of the vacation. I don't have a lot of memories as to the rest of the trip and grandma's ultimate passing but my feeling now is that I gained a greater sense that grandma was pure love and that she was returning to that place of pure love. As I reflect now, at that time I simply felt a peace and a level of calm and I think that Grandma was connecting with me from her spirit. Grandma likely played a big part in my epiphany that the "ghost in the machine" was something magnificent and something that was a part of a much bigger whole. It was Wayne's words and grandma's spirit that woke me up. This epiphany prompted a miraculous investigative journey that inspires me every day and every moment. Thank you, Grandma, I send you love every day and I feel your love bouncing back to nourish my spirit.