The Monogamy Mystery
Natural/Unnatural?
by
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Preview Text Infidelity has been a destructive force to the institution of marriage. Many husbands and wives find themselves in the middle of extra-marital affairs, not because they want to destroy their marriages; not because they do not love their spouses and not because they are inherently evil or bad-intentioned. In many cases, persons admitting to infidelity have no explicable reason to offer for examination; they are genuinely regretful of the behavior and the hurt it causes, yet they may find themselves in the same situation over and over again. In counseling many of these people (in my role as a senior pastor), I have understood them, I have cried with them, I have sympathized with them and I have empathized with them. I have counseled them on the best ways to prevent infidelity going forward and how to survive infidelity in marriage, yet at the root of the problems that rise to the surface, a question consistently resonates: Were we really designed to be monogamous? I am of the firm belief that knowledge is power and information is key. If persons are adequately armed with the correct information, they can make informed and more intelligent life decisions to their benefit instead of to their detriment. My total life experiences have brought me to a place where I have formed the view that it has become urgent to unearth some necessary truths and understanding about monogamy and inter-personal relationships in an effort to stop, correct and guide future generations of persons who opt for committed relationships in their ultimate pursuit of happiness. The book takes the reader on an exciting and truth-seeking journey to encourage a dialog on this issue of monogamy that has remained a mystery to so many of us for far too long. Monogamy in its strictest sense of definition (which is also its biblical intention) means marriage to one marriage partner or the condition or practice of being married once in a person’s life time. It is derived from the Greek words, monos – meaning “one” and gamos – meaning “marriage”. Monogamy as it has been accepted today from a more sociological aspect (social monogamy) can also mean the practice or condition of having a single, sexual partner, either during a person’s life time (monogamy in its true sense) or during a period of time (monogamy in its serial sense). Similarly, in Zoology, monogamy is the practice or condition of having only one mate during the breeding life of a pair of animals (true monogamy) or during the breeding season of a pair of animals (serial monogamy). One of the world’s biggest unsolved mysteries is the question of whether monogamy is natural. Most of us will find no struggle in accepting that “monogamy” is certainly uncommon. However, the vexed question with respect to monogamy and where many of us struggle is whether it is unnatural. Was it really intended and expected for created man (being both man and woman in this context) to be monogamous? Is biblical authority on this issue spiritual authority? What is really meant by monogamy, adultery, fornication and illicit sexual relationships where these terms are discussed in the Bible? Is monogamy a spiritual obligation or is it a religious and/or regulated social obligation? Many of us, and the Church, in particular, would prefer to dismiss a debate of this nature as it would tend to challenge our theological foundations in many respects. However, dismissing the issue and not tackling this long standing problem head on is a mistake and is perhaps one of the reasons marriages in society are in the eternal chaos that they are in. The purpose of this book is to explore these issues from a natural, physical, biblical, sociological and spiritual perspective and to offer a conclusive view on the essence of monogamy from my own panorama. The book explores and discusses the various definitions, extrapolations and permutations of the word monogamy from ancient, biblical times to the present and discusses the biblical origin and authority for monogamy. The biology of created man as juxtaposed to the ideals of monogamy is examined. The concept of monogamy in society in the ancient/biblical era and monogamy in society in modern times is analyzed and compared. The purpose and importance of (a) monogamy from an individual perspective; (b) monogamy in marriage; (c) monogamy in the family unit; and (d) monogamy in the wider society is illustrated and highlighted; and will the consequences of monogamy (its advantages and disadvantages) are explained. The importance of understanding the purpose of marriage is underscored and a very interesting conversation as to society’s views on infidelity and monogamy is presented. Guidance as to how created man can stop the fall out, the hurt, the pain and the break downs in marriages caused by anti-monogamous behavior; the importance of separating the sinner/wrongdoer from the sin/wrong has been highlighted, as well as helpful tips as to how relationships can survive infidelity. The dialog begins to conclude with an in depth study of spirituality and a critical analysis as to whether spirituality is a necessary or the necessary substance to the successful practicing of true or serial monogamy in interpersonal relationships. The question raised as to whether it was indeed intended for created man to be monogamous will be answered. The dialog concludes with the provision of guidance to future generations in which I will emphasize the importance of ensuring that younger generations steer their interpersonal relationships in a happy, fulfilling and successful direction. The book will raise questions in the minds of the readers. Couples reading this book together can have healthy discussions from a holistic perspective about one of the biggest problems wreaking havoc on relationships. It can bring some level of unfiltered understanding in society amongst sexual partners (married or unmarried, religious or non-religious) on sexual behavior. It will however, challenge the spiritual beliefs of certain readers and question behavior patterns that some readers regard or regarded as normal.
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About the Book
Infidelity has been a destructive force to the institution of marriage. Many husbands and wives find themselves in the middle of extramarital affairs—not because they want to destroy their marriages, not because they don’t love their spouses, and not because they are inherently evil. In many cases, persons admitting to infidelity have no explicable reason to offer for examination; they are genuinely regretful of the behavior and the hurt it causes, yet they may find themselves in the same situation over and over again. In The Monogamy Mystery, author and bishop John I. Cline explains from a biblical perspective how to prevent infidelity going forward and how to survive infidelity in marriage. He shows how when addressing the root of the problems in marriages, a question consistently resonates: Were we really designed to be monogamous? With a skillful biblical, sociological, and spiritual analysis, Bishop Cline elucidates the philosophical and theological import of the institution of marriage, and the interdisciplinary dialogue he offers through biblical analysis elicits a relevant psychological-theological effect that has the power to transform the mind! Those who seek to have their lives guided and directed by godly principles—and who hope to live the abundant life that Jesus promised by seeking greater depths and growth in their relational lives—will find The Monogamy Mystery to be a bastion and refuge of life, peace, and rest. And by understanding the roots of infidelity and how to conquer it, they will enjoy more fulfilling lives.
About the Author
Bishop John I. Cline is the senior pastor of the New Life Baptist Church in Tortola, British Virgin Islands. At the age of seventeen, he left the shores of the British Virgin Islands to pursue tertiary education and greater exposure and opportunities in the United States of America by way of the United States Virgin Islands. He pursued his tertiary training in Framingham, Massachusetts, in electronic engineering. Upon completion of his training, he then relocated to Bloomfield, New Jersey. There, he was licensed to preach and began his ministry in 1985 at the New Light Baptist Church, where Reverend C. Hall (of blessed memory) presided as senior pastor. While at New Light, he served in the capacities as associate minister and youth pastor. In this capacity, one of his chief accomplishments was launching the church’s first ministry to the homeless. In 1989, following his ordination as a pastor, he was led to return to the British Virgin Islands and continued his ministry in the capacity as youth pastor at the Cane Garden Bay Baptist Church in Tortola. In 1993, he was called to act in the capacity as senior pastor to the Road Town Baptist Church, a call he willingly accepted. The church grew under his leadership by leaps and bounds, and in 1995, it acquired property upon which to construct new premises for the church. In February of 1997, the church broke ground, and nine months later, the building was dedicated and the church was renamed The New Life Baptist Church. He continues today to serve New Life as its senior pastor. Bishop Cline is a leader with a vision and firmly believes that as children of the living God, we must impact the world, not just spiritually but socially and physically as well. Passionate about this vision, in the year 2000, the idea of a New Life Day Care was downloaded to him. The main focus was to ensure that children in the British Virgin Islands community were receiving early tuition in biblical teachings as well as in their academic journey. A second building was constructed and dedicated to house the New Life Day Care Centre. The day care opened its doors in September 2000, and subsequently expanded to include a preschool a year later, in 2001. The now New Life Day Care & Learning Centre is geared toward children from three months to seven years old. It adopts the British education system and thereby provides tuition and instruction for preprimary-aged students up to Stage II. The population of the day care and learning center to date approximates 105 students. In 2003, NLBC spread its mission to Africa, where it supports a church in Nairobi, Kenya. NLBC has also pledged its financial support to a school administered by the church in Kenya, and in appreciation of this generosity, the school was named the Tortola Child Rescue and Learning Centre. Together, the partnership has seen the growth of the primary school from twenty students to nearly three hundred students at present. Bishop Cline (together with members of NLBC and members of the BVI professional community, including contractors, architects, and the like) traveled to Kenya in July 2014 and began the construction of the secondary school, which will enable the primary school students to continue their education at the secondary level. In October 2005, he was consecrated to the Office of the Bishop and inducted into the College of Bishops as a presbyter, adjudicator, and an examiner. With his mindset to impact the British Virgin Islands community, in 2011, Bishop Cline acted upon a vision as he embarked on the construction of a recreational facility that would mainly target the youth generation—a generation that he feels is in dire need of attention and rescue. In November 2012, the recreational facility was constructed and dedicated and is now in daily operation. The multimillion-dollar facility is approximately thirty thousand square feet and houses a gymnasium with modern, state-of-the-art workout equipment, a full-size basketball/volleyball court, a children’s playroom and café, a six-lane bowling alley, conference facilities, a ballroom, and a learning center. As the visionary for the Save the Seed Energy Centre, Bishop Cline believes that the multipurpose sport facility will help to create an impact in the British Virgin Islands community by providing a safe and productive environment for young people to congregate and engage in wholesome and enriching activities. In furthering its commitment to the Great Commission, the church also has a televangelism arm and televises its services not only on the island of Tortola, but also in other islands in the Caribbean, including St. Kitts, St. Vincent, Anguilla, and Jamaica. Its annual Healing and Deliverance Crusade and its annual Power Plus Crusade are also streamed internationally and have developed quite a large following, including the New Life diaspora, all of whom are very appreciative of the efforts New Life makes to ensure that even those who could not be physically present can be spiritually fed. He is also the founding member of the New Life Baptist Church Foundation. The foundation was legally established in October 2011 to facilitate charitable endeavors. Other missionary endeavors of the New Life Baptist Church, as spearheaded by Bishop Cline, include the commissioning and construction of the facilities that house the Emanuel Baptist Church in Virgin Gorda as well as the provision of financial support to the Boys Home in St. Kitts, West Indies. An avid and dedicated businessman, Bishop Cline is also the cofounder and president of Infinite Solutions, a BVI business company, through which he successfully trades consumer electronics and associated services in the British Virgin Islands. He is also the founder, president, and managing director of Atlantis Solar, a BVI business company through which he successfully markets, promotes, and distributes alternative energy products locally, regionally, and internationally. Known for his love for God, his compassion for people, and his undeniable business prowess and acumen, Bishop Cline was appointed to the British Virgin Islands Health Services Authority (the Authority) in March 2012, where he presently serves as chairman of the board of directors of the Authority. Bishop Cline attributes his success to the influence of godly parents, strong family ties, a caring church, and a supportive community. He desires to “pass it on!”