Pssst . . . It Worked!

Introduction The Challenge As human beings, we’ve got kind of a big problem. We’re not very nice to ourselves and we don’t even realize it. We look in the mirror and complain about what we see there. Then we look in our bank accounts and complain about what we see (or don’t see) there. We compare ourselves to others, thinking we are unworthy of what they have, and always seem to come up as “less than” – our clothes aren't right, our hair isn't right, we’re too old, we’re too fat, we don't have enough money, education, or enough of anything to satisfy our worst critics. This leads to us feeling like we are not enough as a whole. We usually imagine those critics as outside ourselves — our family members, bosses, co-workers, people we encounter in our daily lives — but the heartbreaking reality is that often the worst criticisms come from ourselves, from that voice inside our heads that constantly tells us we don’t measure up. When I talk to my clients about the thoughts that run through their heads many times a day, they report things like this: You never do anything right. You’re not good enough. No wonder no one loves you. You’re such a screw up. How could you be so naive? You’re such a failure. Everyone thinks you’re a loser. You could have done so much better. Be honest now, would we ever, ever talk this way to someone? Most of us wouldn’t even say these things to someone we detested, let alone someone we loved! How can we give ourselves less of a break than we’d give our worst enemy? Although it’s impossible to know the exact number, it’s estimated that we have between 12,000 and 60,000 conscious thoughts a day, with millions more bits of information passing through our brains unconsciously every second. Of these thoughts, it’s estimated that 70-80% of them are negative, and most of them are exactly the same as the thoughts we had the day before. That’s a lot of negativity and repetition. It’s no wonder these thoughts become “facts” to us after years of saying them over and over, and we often get used to feeling bad about ourselves. It’s so familiar that it becomes comfortable in a strange way. Believe it or not, for a lot of people, being happy can actually be a scary thing to imagine! People become so complacent where they are in their emotions, that happiness just seems foreign to them. Well my friend, I want you to get comfortable being uncomfortable! It is time for change! One of the biggest problems with all this negativity is that it’s contagious, it spreads. When you tear yourself down constantly, you’re creating a lens through which you view the entire world. Since every judgment is a reflection of how you’re feeling about yourself, you’re that much more likely to tear somebody else down, even when you don’t want to. Your negative reaction to someone confirms for them all the negative things they’re thinking about themselves — and it ripples out from there. Imagine whole groups of people unconsciously interacting with one another, guided by their own worst fears about themselves — well, you can see how it can get messy in a hurry. No wonder the lady at the post office snapped at you and that guy cut you off on the freeway. All that negativity can make the world a very grumpy, very unhappy place. If we look at it from the standpoint of how the brain works, we can see that repetition = habit. Our negative thoughts are a habit. The great news is, that like any habit, this one can be replaced with something healthy and life-giving. How? It comes down to the simple, but not necessarily easy task, of training ourselves to react and talk to ourselves the way we would react and talk to someone we love more than anything in the world. Can you imagine being for yourself what you are for your kids, your partner, your beloved pets, your closest friends? It might seem impossible, but I want to tell you the truth, I know what a huge difference a little self-love can make. I’ve seen it happen time after time – when people learn how to love themselves, they actually pay it forward. They smile at that lady at the post office, so maybe she smiles at the next customer in line. They don’t get mad at the guy who cut them off on the road, because for all you know that person could have been rushing to the hospital and didn’t even recognize he was upsetting them. Amazing things happen when you feel too good to dwell on the negative. So it got me thinking… If I could find a way to build more people up and help them to love themselves, could I actually be part of making the world a better place? I wanted to find out. So I put together a little experiment. Well, actually it was a book — a little book with simple actions to take every day for 31 days. I called it Pssst – Wanna Get Out of Your Own Way?, and I filled it with one month of specific things to do each day that would help people feel good about themselves and find the joy in life, as opposed to being complacent and wondering if this is all that I am. All kinds of people bought the book and accepted the challenge — mostly people in my own hometown, which you’ll hear a little bit about in a minute, but also people around the world who were looking for something, anything, to help them change their perspective. I’m happy, excited and honored to say, the experiment worked! Over the next (hundred and fifty) or so pages, you’ll find out how and why. You’ll meet some of the people who participated in the experiment and hear their stories, in their own words, of exactly how a little bit of self-love has changed their lives for the better. This book is about more than sharing the results of my little experiment. My hope is that, inside these pages, you’ll find the inspiration you need to make the changes that will make your own life better. Along with their stories and the unique ways they took on this challenge, you’ll get insights into what opens up the possibility of radical transformation, even in the darkest times, and you’ll come away with some practical ways to help you retrain your brain to make that happen. Honestly – isn’t it time you realized what an amazing, awesome human being you are? If you’re not quite sure how to answer that question, I’ll answer it for you, YES. The time is now. So stick with me. I’m here to help show you how.