What Matters Now

The term “work-life balance” was first used in the UK in the 1970’s, and started to gain a foothold in North America in the 1980’s. As near as I can figure, the perceived need for a term of this sort grew out of a societal shift in how families operated. When the traditional family dynamic – the one in which Dad as the head of the household went off to work each day in order to earn the family’s income, and Mom stayed home to take care of all things domestic -- moved to a two-income family, there was a need for families to ensure that traditional values and needs didn’t get lost or overlooked in the grand scheme of things. With both parents working out of the home, there was a call – or perhaps a caution – to ensure that children were still cared for, meals still prepared, everyone’s health still looked after, household chores still done, and relationships valued and nurtured. All of this – the ability to essentially do everything as it had been done, even while taking on new things to do, and maintaining a modicum of sanity in the process – was what was referred to as “work-life balance”. This term has definitely served a purpose in the ensuing decades, providing many with the reminder that prioritizing in one’s life is essential. That being said, I believe that there’s a misrepresentation going on. Consider this: what does the term “balance” actually mean? What does “balance” look like? When I speak with clients, with groups, or with others in general about the concept of “balance”, I often ask them this very question. Inevitably I am greeted with silence, then some waffling as they search for an answer, and then I’m told that balance is about equality, equity, and fairness. Images of weigh scales or playground teeter-totters are referenced. In short when people think of “balance” they think of equal distribution. This is exactly where the problem lies when we use the concept of balance and apply it to life. If we try to make “balance” work in our lives, the implication is that we must somehow divide things equally. What things? Time; energy; resources; our very selves. Admittedly, most people don’t consciously think in these terms; they’re not going around trying to fit things into equally compartmentalized segments.Such equal division, however, is implied in the language. This, my friends, is a set-up for failure, because such division – implied or not – cannot be done with any degree of effectiveness. Let me say it again: trying to achieve a state of balance in your life is a set-up for failure. Furthermore, it’s not how it’s meant to be done. Your life is not meant to be divided equally in any way, shape or form. Let’s take this a step further. If you go back to the beginning of this chapter, you’ll notice that it’s not just the word “balance” that is used in our world, but rather the term “work-life balance”. Over the years the concept of balance as it relates to life has become even more specific. The suggestion is that you are to balance work and life. Can you see how this is even more problematic than “life balance” alone? No? Well, let me illustrate. The term “work-life balance”, suggests that work and life are separate. Is this true? Is your work separate from your life? No, of course not! Work might be separate from another part of your life, like your home life, or your family life, but work in and of itself is actually a part of life as a whole. So, how do you balance a part of something with the whole? How do you balance “work” with the rest of your life? You can’t! Trying to balance the part of your life known as “work” with the whole of your life is like trying to balance a piece of cake with the rest of the cake – it’s not going to happen (and not just because you’re likely to eat that piece of cake sooner or later). In the sense of balance as a form of equitable distribution it’s not doable. The whole will always outweigh a part. So already, when you use the term “work-life balance” and suggest that that is what you are striving to create for yourself, you’ve set up an obstacle before you even start on your path.