From Me to You: The Joys of Parenting

SO, WHAT CAN PARENTS DO? If we want healthy, happy adults, we need to go back to basics and ensure that our children have a well-balanced, happy childhood. When we do that, the outcome leads to well-balanced, happy children and young adults and miraculous positive changes in others. During their childhood, you are training your children to one day become independent, well-adjusted and capable adults. It is every child’s right to have a happy and safe childhood where they are loved and nurtured. ESSENTIALS FOR YOUR LITTLE ADULT-IN-TRAINING: • Be a parent, not a friend: Remember that your child has enough friends, they need you to be their parent that they can count on, not their friend. • Insecurity: Giving children too much lea-way makes them feel insecure. They need to have an adult in charge of them to make decisions for them that at their age they are unable to make for themselves. Just because a child says that he wants something, he should not necessarily be given it. He needs a responsible adult to decide what’s right for him. When a child thinks that that the adults in their life do not know what they are doing, it leads them to insecurity. • Communication: How you communicate with your children matter. The tone of voice that you use is important so that your child understands you, for example: Your tone of voice should change when you are reading them a story or when you are encouraging them to eat their food, or when you are consoling them when they are scared or hurt or when you mean business when they are misbehaving. If your tone of voice doesn’t change at all, your child may not understand what you mean and what pleases you and what displeases you, which creates confusion for them. For each of these scenarios, your tone of voice should have changed. So be aware of how you communicate with your child, otherwise, they can get mixed messages and feel insecure. When you give them instructions, be clear, concise and age appropriate. • Anger: Be aware not to take your anger out on your children as it’s not their fault that you are angry. You may have unfinished business elsewhere! It is important for you to be able to control your emotions and not to lash out just because you are angry or unhappy. Do not slam doors, use bad language and behave in a way that you will disapprove from your children. If you are angry, put some space between you and your child, and……. Breathe.…. take deep breaths slowly. Calm down, then go back and deal with it. If your child is angry, acknowledge his feelings, tell him that you realize that he is very angry now, then encourage him to calm down so that you can help him. • Keep your adult worries away from your children: Be aware not to burden your children with adult worries or information that they can’t cope with. Your financial issues or relationship issues should not be discussed with or in front of young children. Certainly, never bad-mouth the other parent in front of your children. All of this create an anxiety state in the children which have long-term repercussions. • Rules and Boundaries: • As a parent, your job is to set safe boundaries and clear rules. Have clearly defined guidelines. No ambiguity. You must have clear limits and guidance and stick by them. Your children need to know what those limits are and learn that they must adhere to them and you too need to play your part. Your child needs to know what is acceptable and what is not. The rule doesn’t change with the days. • Be consistent: You need to be consistent in what you say or do and not decide to change your mind at the drop of a hat. You will lose all credibility with your children. They will not believe what you say and won’t be able to trust your word. • Make a pact with your partner: Both parents need to be on the same page. You both need to be saying the same things no matter how much the children play up and manipulate you. Believe me they are programmed to test you! They’re good at it! • Consequences: Your children need to know that their actions have got consequences. They need to own their actions and understand that they must suffer the consequences of their actions, should they not obey the rules and that they will not get away with it, no matter what. This can be done in a gentle but firm manner. • Be the adult in charge: As a parent, you decide what your children need; do not let them make decisions regarding their well-being or give them what they want when they want if it’s not the right thing for them. You can have a discussion with them to point them in the right direction. A young child doesn’t have the maturity to make complex decisions for himself or herself; that’s why God created Parents! As they get a little older you can give them choices between two things to help them practice making decisions, but the main decisions regarding their well-being still are yours to take. For instance, just because your child doesn’t want the nurse to put a needle into their skin and fears getting hurt, you wouldn’t base your decision whether to vaccinate them or not on that, would you? • It is their childhood: Your job is to give them a well-balanced childhood, that is to offer them a well-balanced lifestyle, with plenty of love and affection; As previously stated make sure they have a well-balanced diet – plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables. Limit snacks and make them nutritious. As a parent it is your job to ensure that your children have adequate sleep. Keep technology out of the bedroom. Have a set bedtime routine. Have a time when they go to bed and adhere by it.