That's So You!

Are You Settling for Good Enough?

When you choose a doctor, do you want the best, or do you say, “What the heck, good enough is good enough”? Of course you don’t!

When you help your child with her homework and she tells you that two plus two equals five, do you say, “Oh, sweetie, that's good enough”? I doubt it!

When you go out for dinner and order spaghetti and they bring you lentil soup, do you send it back or say, “That's good enough”? Chances are good you send it back!

So why do you get dressed every day in something that is just good enough?

Recently, I was shopping with Tracy for the first time. We had a number of outfits with us in the dressing room, and the first thing she tried on was a magenta top. As she looked in the mirror and assessed what she saw, I could sense her mind whirling. I asked her how she liked it. She hesitated and then said, “I’m not sure I like the fabric. But it fits well, so I think it’s good enough.”

Oops. I think not! That was her old way of doing things, but I was there to help her move beyond that and never settle for less than great or fabulous or terrific. There is never a time when good enough is good enough!

Tracy looked relieved, although maybe a tad skeptical as well, when I explained this to her. Up until then, good enough had been her default. She always felt thankful when she at least met that (low!) standard.

When you think of Bette Midler, what do you picture? Perhaps it’s a woman with incredible energy, a quick wit and a quirky style. You have to admit that whether you love her style or cringe when you see it, her message is something we can all admire. Bette is Bette—loud and clear!

There is a somewhat famous quote attributed to Bette: “I have my standards. They’re low. But I have them.”

This is probably more her quick wit speaking than her own fashion sense. However, I don’t personally know Bette, so I can only guess. Regardless, I know she speaks for many women when it comes to creating a wardrobe: You have your standards. They’re low. But you have them. The question is why are they so low?

It is not unusual for new clients to tell me that I really don’t need to see their wardrobe. They can show me a couple of pictures, or I can just look at what they are wearing now; that’s their “uniform.” They’ve settled on something that gets them out the door in the morning, doesn’t stand out too much and is comfortable.

A “uniform” certainly gets the job done, but what happens to their soul, their heart, their inner beauty? They finally rebel! One day these women take a peek in their closets and think, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” But then what?

Over the past twenty-six years of working with women on how they look (and, of course, thirty years of my own personal reflection before that), I have found that there are at least four reasons why women settle for less—often wearing the same few personally uninspiring outfits day in and day out. See if you can relate to any of these:

1. You feel clueless. You do not know how or where to begin to create a wardrobe you love. Although you long to look in the mirror and feel great about how you look, you mostly feel lost and overwhelmed.

2. You hate to shop. You do not like shopping, primping or any of the planning that goes into creating a wardrobe, not to mention whether you even know how. You want to be comfortable, and you want to get through the process quickly. As a result, personal expression takes a backseat to comfort or ease.

3. You do not like your body. Your first inclination is to cover it and hide until you feel better about how you look. This, of course, perpetuates the bad feelings about yourself, and the cycle continues. For you, shopping is a nightmare experience. Finding things that fit properly is challenging, and because you feel uncomfortable with your body, you cannot imagine loving anything that would actually fit anyway. Besides, with a body like yours, you do not think you deserve to buy something you love. This is a common underlying theme I hear often.

4. You do not have time. This is usually present in conjunction with at least one of the other three reasons. You buy things on the run, often settling for something adequate rather than extraordinary because it is quicker. You do not have time to organize your wardrobe, and exhaustion causes you to toss things haphazardly into your drawers and your closet at the end of the day. Even if you do own pieces you love, finding them and coordinating them just takes too much time and effort, and, of course, more important obligations take precedence. You keep thinking that someday you will get to it, but someday never comes.

Does any of that ring a bell? Have you settled for less because you are unsure how to take a step forward that feels good and all of your attempts so far have been frustrating?