Unemployed

Chapter 21
Taking the Plunge
The law of attraction is really obedient. When you think of the things that you don't want, and you focus on them with all of your intention, then the law of attraction will give you exactly what you don't want. “I don't want to be late, I don't want to be late”--the law of attraction doesn't hear that you don't want it. It manifests the things you're thinking of.
Lisa Nichols
The Secret
Over the course of the last few weeks, I have managed to get the orders out on time, even though Resident Evil is constantly breathing down my neck. The orders are dwindling, and there isn't enough to do. Coming to work every day is pure torture. Resident Evil did my annual review the other day, and suffice it to say it was a repeat of my corrective review from last summer, only an hour shorter. Even she's bored with telling me how bad I am. I'm not getting a raise or bonus this year. I can't understand how The Ice Berg can look at the review he did with me last year and compare it to the one for this year and not want to know what went wrong.
“Mike” I say standing at his office door. “May I have a word with you?”
He turns around to look at me, and I can see the chill in his eyes. I know I'm not going to get anywhere with him, but I'm gonna give it the old college try. I close the door. “Listen, the review Kelly did with me yesterday was extremely rough. Honestly I feel as though I've been raped.”
“I'll work on her delivery. I think you'll see some changes in the next few weeks.” He says cooly.
“This isn't about delivery; it’s about the fact that she had absolutely nothing complimentary to say to me.”
“You are free to rebut what she said on the review form. This is your chance to set the record straight” The Ice Berg replies.
Just as I thought. I got nowhere. Well at least it's time to go home. I don't have to see this place again 'til Monday. Thank God.
On my way home my cell phone starts ringing. I pull over the car to answer the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hi Laura, this is Janet from Verne's Varmint Removal, how are you today?”
“Hi Janet” I perk up right away. “How are you?”
“Great. Listen, I wanted to let you know right away that we decided to go with another candidate whose skill set matches the job a little more closely than yours.”
Shit. Great. The only interview I've had in seven months and it fell apart. “Janet, thanks for letting me know, I appreciate it.”
It's a beautiful sunny afternoon, and The Spouse is waiting for me on the front porch with a glass of wine. I walk up the stairs and put my briefcase and purse on one of the seats, and heavily drop myself on the settee.
“How goes it” says The Spouse, handing me my glass of wine.
“I had my annual review today.”
“'Nuf said” he responds with an eyebrow cocked.
“Exactly. I just found out on my way home that I didn't get that Varmint job either.”
“Fantastic.”
We sit together quietly enjoying the beautiful weather. I start to decompress a little bit. “Look, I know you've been really stressed out because of work. Let’s get outta here tomorrow and do something fun for a change” says The Spouse.
“Like what?”
“I was thinking about going tubing on the Delaware River. I looked into it, and there's an outfitter right on the river. Its dirt cheap, and it sounds like a fun way to spend a couple of hours. “Actually that sounds really fun. Let’s do it tomorrow. I can really go for some fun right about now.”
“In the meantime, let’s just order a pizza for dinner and call it a week” says The Spouse.
“Sounds like a plan.”
I'm really excited about going tubing. Last night I looked up the outfitters online and checked out the pictures and stuff. Looks really relaxing. This is the perfect remedy for this last week. We take the hour long drive to the river and stop for a quick bite to eat. When we arrive we see a little brown shack with kayaks and canoes piled up against it. We pay, a van rolls up, and eight of us climb in for the drive to the drop off point.
As we drive along the winding road next to the river, the driver gives us instructions. “The trip will take approximately two hours, but that's dependent on the current of the river. Some days are faster than others. When you see this bridge here, make sure you're on the left bank of the river, because that's where you'll get off” he warns us.
Oh God, what if I can't get all the way over? I think to myself. We get out of the van on the side of the road and we're each given a tube to carry down this winding path. At the bottom of the path is some mud to trek through. I step into the water and clumsily dump my rear end into the middle of the tube, and off I go. It's a beautiful sunny day, and it feels great on the water. The Spouse is much further ahead of me, but I'm just enjoying the trip. After about an hour in the water I open my eyes, and realize that I'm in the middle part of the river, and I'd better start moving to the left. I paddle and paddle and I get a little closer. Then I stop paddling and the current takes me back to the middle. Oh God, what happens if I can't get over? Where am I going to go? What the hell! The more I paddle, the more I panic. I see the bridge coming, and now The Spouse is yelling “Get over!”
“I can't” I scream at the top of my lungs.
“Help, help, help me, someone help me “I scream.” I ditch the tube altogether and start swimming for shore. Using every muscle in my body, I'm thinking get to the shore, get to the shore. God help me, get me to the shore. Just as my foot feels some rocks to grab onto, a man comes into the water, and pulls me out. Every muscle in my body is twitching and I'm heaving for breath. I'm completely unable to speak and my legs are covered in mud. Some kind soul hands me a cold bottle of water, which I gulp down greedily. The Spouse makes his way over to me after his successful landing and says “You're okay.”
When I'm finally able to speak, I say to The Spouse “Tubing down the Delaware River is checked off my bucket list. Let’s go home. But just so you know, nearly drowning in the Delaware River is way more fun than going to work.”