SOUL SUSTENANCE

Driving through town on a busy day, my car, a blue Mazda felt very strange, it was like walking barefoot over gravel, only it was the tyres that were suffering rather than my feet. I could feel every bump in the road and hear grating sound beneath me of metal over tarmac. I saw traffic lights ahead which were green, I panicked as I realised that my tyres had gone flat. I looked around for somewhere safe to pull over before getting to the crossroads ahead but the car started chugging and came to a sudden holt. Not knowing what to do, I reached for my phone to call James. My phone wasn’t in the car, there was nothing of mine in the car, I then realised it wasn’t my car. It certainly looked like my car but the dashboard was different, my car was parked at Waitrose. I was confused as to how I ended up driving a strangers car. How could I be so stupid and what was I going to do? I had to get out and abandon it. Leaving the keys in the ignition I started running through town towards Waitrose when I realised I had no clothes on, not a stitch. I sped up my feet but it was like I was on a hamster wheel and I was going nowhere as fast as I could. People were watching me, laughing, pointing and whispering to themselves. Suddenly I was in Waitrose carpark and I’d spotted my own blue Mazda, it looked shiny and new, not like the one I’d just left at the top of town which was dusty and scratched. Elated but humiliated at the same time by the gaping faces, I jumped into the driver’s seat. There next to me was an old lady. Her hair was grey with a few strands of red, it was long and wiry like used, rusty steel wool, her face was etched with wrinkles and her lips were smeared with bright pink lipstick. Eventually she spoke to me with a North Australian accent “get your big girl pants on lady” she said, “you’re in the driver’s seat so drive” “Where are we going” I asked “On the biggest journey of your life” she answered, grinning. Her green eyes had an unmistakable glint and sparkled like emeralds as she whispered “put your attention on your spiritual self” I didn’t understand what she was saying, all I could think about was my state of undress, I felt exposed and vulnerable. As if reading my mind the lady said “your body is just a bag of skin, look within” she grinned at me revealing a set of teeth that looked like ancient tomb stones accept for a gold one which stood straight and firmly at the edge of her smile. It captured the sun and shone like a jewel, I squinted my eyes as it became too much, momentarily blinding me with bright light. I awoke to a piercing ray of sunshine beaming through the gap in the curtains. Sweating profusely, my pyjamas were drenched and I was shivering. I lay there for a while wondering what was happening to me. Getting up and shaking off this feeling of uncertainty was the only option. I realised I was heading into unknown territory. I had made some big changes over the past months, let go of some old habits. I was searching for something new and fulfilling. It was normal to feel fear, I told myself, my brain just needs to adjust. I was no longer the person I used to be and was stepping into new shoes. So if I was no longer the person I used to be then who am I now? I wondered.