How to Leave a Narcissist in 30 Days or Less

In the early stages of the relationship, if the prey pays attention to her body wisdom and emotions, as well as her intuition, she will have the upper hand. Empaths rely on feelings and intuition, which in the later stages of the narcissistic relationship may become blocked due to confusion. In addition to listening to intuition and emotion, there are also some left-brained, systematic exercises that can be helpful for protecting oneself. I include these later in the chapter. The narcissistic is a smooth, skilled, and practiced operator, but empaths and co-dependent people are highly skilled at reading energy and picking up on subtle cues in the environment. Co-dependents may have developed this particular skill set from childhood adversity and their bodies usually alert them to potential danger. If empaths don’t acknowledge that something is off right away, their minds and bodies don’t let go of the unsettled feeling. That feeling sits in the mind and body waiting to be understood. Those who focus on doing the intense work of unpacking old trauma, know how long it lingers in the body and psyche. The challenge, particularly if your childhood was dysfunctional, is to not become so accustomed to unhealthy behavior that you ignore or dismiss your intuition and the sensations of distress in your body. The key to maintaining safety in the initial stages of a narcissistic relationship is to listen to your intuition and any danger messages, and to take them seriously. If you leave immediately, you save yourself from more drama and trauma. Avoid getting caught up in intellectualizing the situation and why it’s happening. Instead, ask yourself, “What is my body trying tell me?”“What’s next?” and “What can I do about this?" Your own sensitivity, often considered a weakness, in this case becomes a strength that allows you to escape. Right Brain: Intuition, Creativity, & Inner Guidance The Oxford dictionary defines intuition as, “The ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning." What if you trusted your intuition and your emotional guidance system without logically analyzing or debunking it? What if the thoughts, feelings, and pictures you receive became guidance you actually listened to, rather than laboriously trying to reason everything out? What if your weaknesses are actually strengths? What if you feel and notice what is in your body, from the heart and ask what it is telling you? Empaths are often flooded with so much information that it becomes overwhelming. What if you knew how use that information for your benefit, and learned how to listen to your inner guidance? Your body and energy system are amazingly designed to know what you need in order to develop optimally. For example, your body is constantly working to find a state of homeostasis, or balance. What if you trusted yourself enough and were willing to change your life a little bit so that you were no longer separate from your heart? If you love yourself and want the best for yourself, you tend to listen and act more upon cues your body and mind are sending you. The United States is a left-brain dominant culture in which predation is prevalent. You will probably not learn in school (unless you had a unique experience) how to be in connection to your body, your intuition, and your instincts. Such skills are often regarded as unnecessary for money-making purposes. Being truly embodied does not mean the controlling, goal-driven pursuit of physical perfection. Bodies need love, not merciless comparisons to elite athletes or super models. Here in the US, minds and thoughts rule the show and have dominion over bodies. And thus, the level of illness in this country, both mental and physical, is astounding. It is not surprising that meditation classes have become popular as an antidote to being constantly stuck in frantic thought. Humans are part of nature and function best in rhythms with the seasons. People are designed to go inside and be quiet to regroup during winter months. Instead, this culture demands a fast paced, year-round, hyper level of activity. People have been conditioned in this culture to be left-brain thinkers, which includes logic, reason, and fact – things they can touch, see, hear and taste. What is missing for many is the wisdom of the right brain knowing, which includes creativity, going with the flow, being vs. doing, and listening to intuition. Intuition is often considered the ‘sixth sense,’ in addition to the five senses learned about in school. What if instead of dismissing your intuition as irrational, you trusted and appreciated it? What if you tried to understand yourself by meditating, drawing, playing musically, and living more in your body rather than only in your mind? Most people are busy running from place to place, stuck in their thinking minds, on their phones, or on the internet. I was at an ATM recently and I arrived there the same time as another person. I said, “if you are in a rush, you can go ahead of me,” and he replied, “I try to never be in a rush." How refreshing is that? What if you slowed down and spent time connecting with your body to cultivate a deeper connection to your inner wisdom?