Gotta Be Shifting Me

Growing up, I never felt loved or included. I always felt cast out or shoved to the side. I never really knew where I belonged or what I’d done wrong to feel such judgment. But again, none of that really matters. What matters most was the day I realized all of those thoughts, and I decided to love me the way I truly deserved to be loved. I was going to love me the way I had always wanted someone else to love me. I loved me so very much that others started to love me too. People I had never known started loving me before they truly knew me. They fell in love with my energy, my essence, my spirit. It was pretty magical; it was real, and it was honest. Self-love is of the greatest importance. How are we to love someone else or expect someone else to love us if we can’t find ways to love ourselves? That’s pretty unfair, if you ask me. If I do not like myself or my company, why should I expect someone else to like me or enjoy my company? Without self-love, we do not know what we want, nor can we keep what we currently have in the way that we have it. Without self-love, we have false relationships, false wants, false needs, and false beliefs. Self-love gives us clarity, truth, trust, stability, and security. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we fully love someone else? How can we expect someone else to love us, if we can’t love us? We will continuously self-destruct, self-sabotage, follow false beliefs, work jobs we do not enjoy, live in abusive codependent relationships for security, and create unhealthy relationships because it’s just nice to have someone—anyone—around, even if they aren’t healthy for us. Without self-love we become depressed, angry, and unhealthy. What is self-love? Self-love is deeper than just loving yourself. Self-love is about caring for yourself, resting when you need rest, being true to who you are, listening to yourself, being honest with yourself and others, and always standing up for your beliefs. I have a habit of loving—wanting love, wanting to love, wanting to be loved, sharing love, giving love no matter what. Even after all the times I got hurt and stepped on, I still wanted to please them and love them so they would love me, no matter how many times they burned me. I just knew if I could make them happy, they would eventually love me and stop hurting me. They would love me, and we would be happy. But that was not the case. There was no real love in that from any party. I had zero love for myself because I allowed the awful things to continue to happen. Those people didn’t love themselves, and that was why they were so hurtful to everyone around them, including me, but I took it personally. There was no real love in those relationships, just fears—fears of being alone, of struggling alone, of dying alone; fear of another failed relationship; fear of not being good enough—whatever. In relationships, we often put up with more than we should because of fears. We find ourselves making excuses for the other person or even blaming ourselves for their toxic behaviors, just to keep from ending it. Some see that ended relationship as another failure, and who genuinely wants to fail? Nobody. So, with fear of that failure, we never truly listen to that little voice that faintly says, “Get the heck out of there. What are you doing?” We don’t listen to our true selves. Although there is growth in those difficult relationships, it is up to you to dig into that and heal the deeper trauma that you continue to allow yourself to experience. Heal it now and grow so that you can stop that unwanted pattern. Learn and grow this time so you don’t end up in another similar situation. Make it a “one and done.” Learn all you can in this relationship so you can have that growth and discontinue the damaging pattern. That, however, is for a totally different story than this. Listening to yourself truly is one of the greatest forms of self-love. It creates a sacred bond to the Divine because you are the Divine, and you find yourself tapping into your real power—the universe’s real power. Taking the time to listen shows your truth and dedication on this journey. Staying true to yourself is listening to your higher self, your true self. In any kind of relationship—romantic, family, business, or friends—if things feel more difficult than they are supposed to be, you need to ask why. You need to ask if there is a lesson you need to work through within yourself or if you are where you need to be. Without that sacred bond and guidance, we can very well expect to fail at anything we attempt. Maybe not at first, but eventually, it will catch up to us and knock us out of a situation we were never meant to be in. That situation could be love, career, family, friends—the list goes on. Sometimes, we are in relationships where we genuinely love the person, but it just can’t seem to go right or be easy. Why does that happen? Are you not supposed to be together? Are they teaching you a life lesson? Are you teaching them a life lesson? Was the lesson supposed to happen, and then the relationship is over? These are questions for your guides, and the answers lie in the messages you receive, even if you aren’t paying attention. Sometimes, I feel like I was meant to live this specific life alone because the lessons I am working through seem so complicated. Sometimes, I feel like I am here to help and heal others, learn lessons, teach lessons, and just be. Maybe this isn’t my life where I get to find my one true love in another person. Maybe this is the life where I find my one true love within myself. Maybe I will do that and live alone. Or maybe I will do that, and the one will show up. Nobody has all the answers. Nobody has learned all the answers. The truth is, you never stop learning.