Honeysuckle Rain

DIRTY LAUNDRY (A Stenographer’s Soliloquy) Bring me your dirty laundry, sir, and while I promise not to tell-- It's sure to be good fodder for a book I plan to sell. I will guard your reputation, and no one will ever know Your date of birth, how much you're worth, Now raise your right hand, let's go! Do you swear to tell the truth, kind sir -- (So later, I needn't fact check) -- And when counsel speaks, don't interrupt, Or this transcript will be a wreck. Try to talk at a moderate pace when you're giving a sordid detail -- (To quote verbatim dialogue will help my book to sell!) And though the purchasers are sitting HERE, with agendas of their own, In their Armani suits and Prada shoes, Even THEY respect the throne Of an impartial judge, and carefully chosen jury of your peers, Who will use their collective common sense To evaluate what you say HERE. Sure, they'll hear expert testimony, and the facts, carefully review, But they will put evidence's heaviest weight On what is said today by YOU! So please know as we sit in this stuffy room I pass no judgment on what you say -- I'm recording for posterity your words for a later day. And I may wear a slack expression as I stare at the empty wall, But my fingers hang on your every word, I truly am enthralled. And the details of your dilemma keep me listening with rapt attention, But I would be a shameless man if I failed to mention That while I love justice, and am oh, so proud of the role my ethics play, Your sworn words will fill the book I hope to sell today!