Connecting Within

Chapter 3 STEP 3: FINDING BALANCE Are you temporarily out of balance? Finding balance in life is a challenge for us all. The one thing we wish for is more time. Even people I know who don’t have children still find it challenging to create a good balance for their lives. When you have a balance for your life you become a happier and more peaceful person. What is important and how much time we spend on certain factors is always in flux. Having good balance in our lives is more about being present with each thing we are doing and giving it our full attention. It’s learning to compartmentalize your life and being present for the compartment you are in at the moment. If we aren’t present, we can’t enjoy or concentrate on what we are doing. Happiness isn’t a destination but a way of living. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but you can start now by living life with a better balance. The younger your children are, the more likely they are to drain your energy. Our jobs can also drain us so make sure you are filling your own cup. You must add “me-time” into the equation. While men may have their Man Caves, women should have their Sacred Spaces. To create better balance in your life, make sure you ask for help when you need it. We moms often don’t want to ask for help, but it’s necessary. You are only one person; you need a good network of people to help you. Don’t be embarrassed or see it as a sign of weakness. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child, and most of us have more than one child, so it may take two villages. I’ve realized that if I focus on smaller goals in various areas of my life, I’ll feel more satisfied than focusing solely on one area of my life. Are we ever going to find a perfect balance in our lives? Probably not, but it rarely makes sense to hyper-focus on only one thing. For me the biggest piece of pie right now is my children. Most likely, that’s how it will be for most of us during the child-raising years. However, I noticed when I wasn’t giving myself much of a life beyond my little girls, I felt more stressed and unhappy, and didn’t have as much to give them because I wasn’t doing other things to fulfill my life and make me happy. I still struggle with balance, despite not having a husband to contend with, but then I don’t have his help as some married moms do. So I guess that’s a balance of sorts, too. Balance is a sought-after thing for us all. Did you know that a Google search of “How to find balance in your life” brings up 332,000,000 results!? While I am no expert on balance, being a Creative Coach, Meditation Instructor, and someone who concentrates on living and teaching mindfulness, I will do my best to share what I know about to find better balance in our lives. Keep in mind that balance is not a final goal but rather an ongoing process. Rather than trying to stay balanced, think of yourself as practicing balancing, over and over again. Like yoga, it’s a practice. You keep practicing. It’s the same with balance. It’s not a destination—it’s something that’s constantly shifting and changing so the best thing to do is approach it day by day. Let’s not be hard on ourselves when we get out of balance but simply try to put ourselves back behind the wheel. Another important factor is to prioritize our goals, deciding which ones are more important, and then doing the most important ones first. To stay on course you may have to reexamine your priorities often. Once you make a decision on what is important, focus on it and get it done. Be specific. It’s more useful to say, “I’m going to spend an hour alone with each child on Wednesday this week,” than to say, “I’m going to have quality time with each of my children.” Set something specific. If it’s vague, it will be hard to recognize whether or not you’ve accomplished that goal, which, in turn, makes it hard to feel in balance. I can’t say this enough: Ask for help. You must have someone else help you with things, or you will burn out. It’s extremely hard to find good balance in your life if you don’t get help with child care, work, or household chores.