Through the Cracks

Locked Away, Never Alone I was taken away from my mother and separated from my siblings at a young age due to my mother’s abuse, neglect, and inability to care for me and my siblings. It was in the 1960” s, I was almost 4 years old and life with my mother did not seem to affect me much. I came into this world not as an infant but with some type of knowing and ability to survive. I was not like other kids, when I fell and scraped my knee, I did not cry and run to mommy to kiss it and make it feel better. I got up brushed it off, shrug my shoulders and moved on. I did not have much for toys, I am sure I had some but do not remember any, so I used my imagination and created my own toys. Many people that came around thought I was strange. I was too smart for my age and would just watch them like I was waiting for them to do something, it made them feel uncomfortable. I did not trust with ease and was fully aware that there were good people and bad people. At times, I would carefully touch people, by doing so I would know if I did not like them. If I did not I would gather up my siblings and hide in a safe place I knew all too well. The Closet. My mother and the strangers would laugh at me thinking I was just a strange little girl that was spooked by strangers, but I was not fearful of much. For as long as I could remember my mother locking us in the closet when she left to go to the bar and often forget about us when she got home because she was drunk and would pass out. My other siblings were afraid but I was not, to me the Closet was like a magical room and a safe place. When I wanted to see, what was happening outside of the closet I would close my eyes and be still. I would see myself outside my body and I would rise up outside of the closet and watch and listen to what was happening and go back and tell my sisters. I had the ability to astral travel, I called it my super power. I did not know what it was that I was doing till later on in my life. I was astral traveling. Astral traveling is easier for a young child, especially a child before the age of 5. A child does not fully ground into earthly body until the age of 5 when upon entering school they are taught to use reasoning and logic and they start using the left side of the brain and are mainstreamed into other ways of thinking. They are guided and taught earthly human values. They start to forget who they are and how they became human. Their vibrations start to slow down. The natural abilities they were born with start to fade. I was not mainstreamed; my mother was not the domestic motherly type. She had a disturbed childhood being brought up by family members since she was 13 years old in a life full of abuse and alcohol. In her adult life she had other children taken away by the children and youth service from neglect and abuse. So, raising children was not a skill my mother had and honestly, we were just a burden. I often wonder how I managed to survive at such a young age. My siblings were older than me but I was the older soul, I took care of them. I was almost four when I was taken away from my mother. I remembered that day like it was yesterday. Although my mother had no domestic skills I still felt comfortable and safe there it was the one place I knew. I had never been beyond that house and what made it worse was I was separated from my siblings and I needed them and they needed me. It was 30 years before I was able to see one of them again and the trauma left her with handicaps but still in a glimpse of a moment she remembered our closet. My other sibling I never saw again or my mother.