Elyse and Me
Conversations between a Child and God about Dying
by
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When Elyse came home after her latest cancer treatment, her mom and dad sat down
with her on the big couch in their living room to talk. Elyse noticed that her mom had
tears in her eyes. She wondered, What's she crying about?
Then her mom told her, "Elyse, the doctors are worried that the next time you go to
the hospital for treatments the medicine they're giving you might not work anymore."
Elyse started to get worried again. "Well, if they can't make me better, what would
happen? Would I have to stay at the hospital all the time, feeling sick?"
Her mom began to cry again, this time harder. Her dad had tears in his eyes too.
He said, "Sweetie, if they can't stop the cancer in you, then you will die."
Die? Elyse thought. Her stomach suddenly felt knotted up again, and she began to
feel a little sick. The scared feeling came back into her.
"Dad," she began, her voice quivering, "what happens then? If I die?"
"Well, Elyse, if you die, you'll go to heaven where God lives, and you'll be with him
forever."
The way her dad described death, it sounded like having to move to her uncle's
house and never see her parents again. Elyse felt scared and then began to feel angry.
"But, I don't want to go be with God. I want to stay here with you and Mom."
She began to cry. "If God is good, why would he take me away from you? No! I don't want to
die, and I don't want to go to heaven and be with God! I want to stay here, with you! " Elyse began to feel angrier. "It's not fair!" she shouted. "I don't want to go anywhere else!
I want to stay here!" She was sobbing now.
Dad reached out, took her in his arms, and hugged her as she cried. Then Mom also put her arms around Elyse, and all three of them cried together for a long time. Elyse finally fell asleep in her parents' arms. As her dad carefully carried Elyse to her room, she woke up just a little bit. Elyse felt herself being laid down in her bed. She felt the covers come over her. She felt comfortable and went back to sleep.
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About the Book
What's it like for a child to find out they have a life-threatening illness? What would they think and feel? They might know that they could die from this illness, but do they really understand what dying is? Do they wonder what happens to them if they actually die?
This tender story is about a nine-year-old girl who has cancer. Her name is Elyse and this story follows her journey through the wide-ranging thoughts and emotions of a child faced with the possibility of dying. What if her chemotherapy doesn't work? She knows that could happen. She doesn't know what to trust. She alternately feels great hope and terror. What if she dies? What does that even mean?
Elyse's parents talk about going to heaven and being with God forever. Does that sound appealing to a nine year old? Absolutely not. Leave her parents forever? Leave all her friends, neighborhood, school and favorite things forever? Comfort seems to be out of reach for Elyse.
But what if God himself were to show up and actually speak with Elyse? What if he would answer all of her questions and present the experience of heaven as enjoyable and fun? That sounds helpful, but would God actually do that?
One night Elyse's parents told her that her doctors were worried that the chemotherapy might not work anymore. Elyse was grief-stricken. She was scared and angry. She and her parents all hugged each other and cried together. Elyse finally cried herself to sleep.
In the middle of the night Elyse was woken up by something very puzzling and yet amazing. She didn't know it at the time, but her discovery would completely turn things around for her. She was about to start on a new adventure that could lead her into death ... and beyond.
About the Author
John's experience includes an M.A. in Transpersonal Studies, a hospice volunteer, and former Chaplain Intern at a hospice house. He has great empathy for children facing life-threatening illnesses. His experience has taught him how to talk with people about death with compassion and deep wisdom.
John lives in Olympia, Washington.