When You're Ready

“Galileo” by The Indigo Girls I offer thanks to those before me…that’s all I gotta say Cause maybe you squandered big bucks in your lifetime…now I have to pay But then again it feels like some sort of inspiration…to let the next life off the hook “She’ll say…”Look what I had to overcome in my last life” I think I’ll write a book… I was out running my usual five mile run listening to my daughter’s ipod and this song came on – it brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes when other people say things that you are feeling you realize you are not alone, nor are you the last person who ever had these thoughts and feelings. My children could never possibly understand right now that I have broken a painful cycle. I have no idea how painful it was for some of my relatives, nor do I know how far back it really goes. Was my great-grandmother happy and with the love of her life or did she just survive and get through? There had to have been someone in my past who was a hopeless, no forget that word, lets say – hopeFUL romantic. I had to have gotten this “love” thing from somewhere other than movies. I know deep inside my soul there is deep love for my soulmate, that I am going to change the world with this love (if he would only get here!). I bet he is having the same thoughts and revelations and he just isn’t quite ready, but definitely on the right path (to my front door)! I bet he’s sitting at his desk in his office dreaming about “me”, he might not even know me yet, but, he feels me and wants to meet a girl like me so badly. And, after all of this time alone, when I finally meet someone I am connected to AND attracted to – watch out Brangelina – you think you guys were screaming the first time! Sorry Jen but I just can’t imagine when they were finally able to “do it”. There must have been some serious noises – I even remember reading in one of those celeb magazines that they were at a hotel and the staff was saying it was so noisy! Anyway, I got way off track there! Let’s get back to great grandma! What about her? As painful as this journey has been in the last few years, it is sooooo inspirational (like the song says) to be changing history – I am actually changing history for my family tree. Some day when my great great grandchild is making a family tree for school, they will have mine and my new soulmates name – how great! And my children with their soulmates, etc…and they won’t be just names, they will be actual people who are in love and showing affection everyday, and communicating in a positive respectful way. They will be fun and happy people, and I had something to do with it. I never get out of bed anymore, without a purpose for being here. Pre and during divorce I used to have days and moments when I didn’t really know why I was here. What was I supposed to be doing everyday, I felt like such a loser sometimes because I had no answers, I was even believing that I was this “miserable” human being. (We won’t get any further into that.) But, writing this book has shown me “my purpose”, I am writing this for my ancestors and my children and whoever comes after me. I am writing this for everyone who reads it. I am writing this so you can realize “love” is the answer to everything.