Lessons in Life

Lessons In Life by Deborah Weston

I have a lot to do in my life, and sometimes I do not know where to begin! I like to help others to be happy. By being lively, positive, and full of energy, and by just being Me! I don’t always know who “me” really is (who ever does?!), and I find I go from one thing to the next trying to find out what it really is, when all I really need to do is keep on being the “me” I want to be! Sometimes we lose sight of our real self because we get caught up in a world of busy life, rush, rush, big town, city life – fast cars, fast money, and it’s hard to remember what else there really is! . . . . . . . .

I feel alone, and yet I feel happy that there are so many wonderful people in my life. I also feel a little sad that the dream of love I have may not be made reality right now…but only time will tell! I chose love over a life with my family and friends. I chose love over a career that was building and becoming happy and successful. I chose love over fun times with colleagues, and most importantly, I chose love over a dream, new challenges rejected for…love! And what happened? I broke his heart not once, but twice! How can I be in love with a man I hurt so much? It doesn’t make sense. I long to be with him, yet at the same time couldn’t really care less. I long to see him and hold him close, yet remember my friends and it makes me sad that I cannot be with them. I long to be with him and yet somehow my mind tells me to take it slow. An extra day, two, five, what does it matter? And does it really matter at all? The truth is…I don’t know! Love can be for life, but without life, who needs love? Why be happy with one person when deep inside you are sad and longing for all the other people you truly love too?

Love can be so amazing. Love can be sad, blue and painful. Love can be crazy, lazy and peaceful. Love can be true, false or soulful. True love is deep and everlasting. True love does not have space for doubts. True Love Is!

I know I am in love. I am in love with life and friends and family and being me. I am in love with my dreams, my hopes and my fantasies…And so it will be…!

When I wake up I will be free, and when I dream it is just me and all my thoughts, true thoughts to make true deeds, and I am comforted by the love I hold in my heart. No arms to lovingly wrap around me tonight, no warmth from another’s soul, only the deep unconditional love of all I know to be true, deep within me…and I am blessed!

I have found the love inside of me. The love I sing about, “The Greatest Love of All”, and now I am re-living that learning experience and falling in love all over again…With Life, and my hopes and dreams. Ones that will fulfil me, rise up and take place before me, and I am ecstatically happy. I love you – All of you, all of me, all of life…and freedom to be! To be me! The me I choose to be! And not because society dictates, or my friends or family attempt to alter what is me to suit them too. I will be the me from deep within my soul, free-spirited, wild, loving, happy, energetic, emotional and loved by life itself. It is a choice I have made. Indeed…Life is all about choices!

Having just spent one and a half hours on a train to nowhere from nowhere, and overheard two strangers talking, I know I am not the only person who feels this way! The main point of their conversation was that no matter how we are brought up, we all have a brain and a conscience, and we all know right from wrong. The choices we make determine the path our life follows. Something else extremely interesting came out of their conversation. That was, that everyone we meet either has something to teach us, or we have something to teach them. Could it be that perhaps I did not learn from Russ the drunken youth who was my travelling companion all the way from New York to Orlando? Had I made a conscious choice not to get into such a state as he was in, I may never have had to go through the thirty-four hours of unimaginable hell! But more on that later! . . . . . . . . .

I awoke to find myself in a small room with about fifteen other women. They were of all different ages, mostly different races, with a couple of other white girls. I felt rough. One of the girls was crying, and I could tell from their state that they were not there through choice. I felt a nauseous feeling creep up from the pit of my stomach, and noticing an unusually placed toilet behind a metal sheet, I decided to make my way to it – rather hurriedly. The sobs got louder, and I became aware that everyone was focusing on me, although no one seemed to want to get too close.

We all sat together huddled on the metal benches, for what seemed like hours – and probably was! I was concerned that the people I had been with on Bourbon Street would wonder where I was – but I later found out that I had no need to worry about that, as they were all precisely aware of where I was!

It was several hours later that a lady came around with what I believed to be a Tuna sandwich, and feeling as rough as I did, I figured it would be wise to take one. All I remember is that even in that horrific state, I could not manage any more than a few bites owing to the disgusting taste!

As I awake to a red tinged sky, and open plains, the fingers of the sun are just beginning to creep over the horizon in the far distance where the Earth ends – or does it begin? Within the space of two minutes, more than half of the sun is now visible. The sky takes on its natural blue appearance, as the fiery ball of sun changes from red to orange, then progresses until it is burning the deep yellow of our expectations. Now the plains take on a radiant shine. The land is flat and the grasses tarnished by the sun, glow a dull shade of brownish-green. Over in the distance lying just above the horizon is a string of greying clouds, and a tower pokes up out of nowhere against the grey. As we draw nearer, I see it is a pylon of some sort and as we move the sun passes behind it obscuring my view. A sign declares this is “Wiggins”.

Suddenly the train is filled with songs of Christmas joy. The sun is blazing in all its glory now and it is difficult to imagine how cold it is out there. Even more difficult to comprehend is that it is Christmas in less than four weeks!