A Conversation about ... The Eternal Life of Stuff
Two friends reflect on their journey through life collecting stuff and finding meaning in it all.
by
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Chapter 2: Not Just a Table
Becky speaks
I decided to sell a table, a dining room table. It took a while and a good deal of soul-searching for me to place a photo and ad on the Lehigh Valley Bulletin Board announcing it was "For Sale."
"WHAT?" my husband Ralph exclaimed with eyebrows disappearing into his hairline. “You are selling our dining room table? The one we had made for us in Italy with the inlaid wood pattern that took weeks for you to design, and eight chairs so solid they can barely be lifted? The table that’s the color of honey? The table we have used – extended to seat 12 – where we sat to celebrate engagement parties and wedding celebrations, and for countless years have polished off Thanksgiving Day turkey, gravy, and pumpkin pie with family and friends? THAT TABLE? THAT’s THE ONE YOU'RE SELLING?"
The disbelief lingered long after he stomped out, shoulders raised and palms facing upward on outstretched arms. A perfect picture of dismay. I never thought of Ralph as being so emotional. I had asked myself those same questions, but still arrived at my decision. Chasing after him, and heading him off in the kitchen, I stared into his eyes which seemed to be spinning in his head.
"Yes … It’s time. I thought about it long enough, and I don’t like seeing that beautiful table in a dining room used so rarely, now that we have our tiny house in Florida to escape the dreadful Pennsylvania winters," I explained. "You know most holidays we celebrate are in winter. Our holiday cards now say 'HOLIDAY GREETINGS' above photos of our freshly built sandcastles at the beach." Then, sighing, I thought to myself, “What we didn’t know at the time was this little motel-room-size house we imagined would provide us an escape from winter, became a place we did not want to leave at all.”
There is something magical about our little house on Haverhill in the town known as Lakewood Ranch. We thought living in a 55-plus community meant we would have plenty of quiet time to sit poolside or at the beach, reading long novels, painting, or writing our memoirs. I envisioned a quiet … relaxing … lingering existence. The truth is that our retirement community is unbelievably vibrant and invigorating. Our calendars are filled with everything we love to do, and we certainly enjoy the endless summer. The truth is we needed to think about downsizing. Our goal was to say goodbye to "stuff" we no longer used or needed.
I was happy to get a call from a woman, Susan, asking if our dining room table was still available. She had seen the photo I posted online and thought she might be interested. She explained that she has a large family, they home-school their children and grandchildren, her 90-year-old father was coming to stay with them, and they could really use a large sturdy table. She came to look and said it was perfect.
The next day she arrived with her family to pick it up. When her husband took the table apart to put it on the truck, we saw the engraved name of the man who made the table for us in Vicenza. That is when I mentioned we had been living in Italy, and I asked if she had been there. Susan said yes, she had been to Rome twice when their choir was invited to sing in a church in Rome. She pulled out her cell phone and showed me a short video clip of their performance. As we stood outside watching the table being packed into the truck, Susan mentioned their choir would be singing this Sunday at a church in Allentown. She invited us to come hear their performance and said she would look for us. "It will be very crowded so get there early if you want a seat," were her words of advice.
We did go, and as we stood in a crowded doorway, Susan motioned for us to come to her pew where she whispered that she saved us seats. The sound of their voices woven into the service that morning was beyond wonderful. A young family sat in front of us. The pews were drenched in sunlight, and smiling children sitting next to their parents added yet another touch of beauty to the morning service.
As we were leaving, Susan mentioned that the family seated in front of us included her kids and grandkids. She asked if we would like to join them at her house for lunch. Unfortunately, we had to decline. After saying goodbye to Susan and her family, we filed out with the crowd.
I sent an email thanking Susan for inviting us to come to that lovely program and told her we enjoyed every minute. She wrote a note back saying she was happy that we came. She said right after the service her entire family met at her house for lunch and sat down at our table! She said everyone absolutely loves the table! I thought my heart would explode! I told her I felt sad when I posted the photo and ad to sell the table, but now I could not be happier, and I thanked her for that precious note.
* * *
(Becky … Every once in a while, I regret getting rid of something precious, yet often that great unburdening is a cleansing of the soul as well as the home. And sometimes stripping our lives of the things we love leads us to new adventures and meaningful friends like Susan. Still, I can certainly see why Ralph was so upset and why you refer to this precious piece from Vicenza as “not just a table.” – Tony)
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About the Book
Imagine sitting in a cafe, sharing a running conversation with a good friend about all the wonderful things life has brought to your table. You’re probably also sharing a piece of freshly baked apple pie as you discuss this book that both of you have just finished reading. All the stuff in your life that you’ve been holding onto becomes part of the conversation. Collections of comic books, closets filled with long-forgotten but still-loved stuff, and even the rock collection in the back of your sock drawer comes alive through the stories that “The Eternal Life of Stuff” hands to you. Where has all your stuff gone? Did you give it to charity or sell it at a yard sale? Maybe you simply lost it. All this is what this book is about. Even more, it illuminates something of greater value than the things you’ve collected. This book shines the bright light of conversation into the sometimes-dim corners of memory. “The Eternal Life of Stuff” – sometimes sad, but mostly uplifting and full of humor – is about experiencing the energy of memory. During a lull in this cafe conversation, your friend asks, “Please pass the sugar?” You happily comply, and as you do, your hands briefly touch. Yet, it is enough, and your conversation continues. This book is that sweet. You both get up to leave, and the conversation lingers in your memories, adding a beautiful layer of depth and meaning to your friendship. This is the really good stuff that binds you together. It is the stuff that reminds you what is important and what is not; the stuff that lives, not just in the hearts of these two imagined friends, but in all hearts – eternally.
About the Author
Tony Nauroth grew up living in a tent in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. His mother, a professional storyteller, regaled her children with stories around a campfire every night. Tony graduated from the State University of New York with a BS in Liberal Arts. He still doesn’t know what that means. In 1975, at the age of 25, he joined the Army, serving 20 years as a military journalist in several U.S. states, and overseas with the “Stars and Stripes” newspaper. He was only shot at once – in Bolivia. They missed. Tony retired as a Master Sergeant and lives in Hellertown, Pa. with his wife. He plays guitar in a rock band and is writing a six-volume memoir about his military life called “An Accidental Soldier.” He met co-author Becky Civjan at a memoir group meeting and fell in love with the way she thinks.
Becky Civjan and her husband reside in Florida. She is the mother of three and proud grandmother of five, all incredibly successful people. She takes no credit. Always the optimist and known for her high energy, wit, and good humor so obvious in her writing; she is a free spirit. She speaks and writes in exclamation points and connects her thoughts with dots. Writing is her passion. She loves to exercise and strives to keep everyone around her healthy. If you are standing still, she will take you for a walk. She thinks learning is exhilarating and is always in class. She drags her poor husband along kicking and screaming, but he admits it makes life fun. Becky truly feels she is the victim of good luck, having the most extraordinary people as friends and family. She is deeply thankful for all that life has brought.