Memories
“The next memory is walking down the side walk with my mom and seeing a sign above a door way, “Martin's Photography Studio”. I think I was about 4ish. The first thing that fell out of my mouth was, “Oh goody we’re home! And I even have my own room!” My mother looked at me in horror. “Don’t you say that! you don’t know! People will think you're crazy! Don’t you ever say those kind of lies again to anybody or you will get into big trouble!” I was crushed. I could ‘see’ the room: It had pale green walls and pale yellow kitchen cupboards. I knew it was mine. It was the first inkling I had that there were things I could never talk about. I tried to be a big girl and not cry from the scolding, not understanding my moms quick anger and fear in her eyes, I sniffled the shock deep inside. My Mom went in to see if they would hire her to do photography in their studio. She was quite good and had her own camera. We ended up with a small, two bed room studio over the top of the store. Tiny kitchen / living room, a bathroom with a claw foot tub and two tiny bedrooms about big enough each for a single bed and dresser. The exact ‘room’ I saw the first day I saw the studio sign. There were always whispers in the background. My “Aunts” (any elderly familial woman) would whisper to my mom, “Don’t let her do that. She will come to no good. If people find out she is a witch it will ruin our business and we won’t be able to put our head out side the door!”...
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“I missed my old room in the peak of the house. I was alone there, away from prying eyes and ears where I could hold conversations with the children and animals who lived in the quiet spaces. I could see marvels in my Universe that no one else would admit to. I could see far across the city as the full moon cast shimmering shadows on my wall. Roof lines, chimneys and TV antennas in twilight shadows were like another world.
My grandfather came into my room one evening as I was softly speaking to the unseen visitors around me, I jumped when I heard my door open. His large softness filled the room. He gazed at me for a moment, I held my breath wondering what he could have heard and if I would be punished. He looked around the room, gave a short nod and wink of his eye as he slowly backed out, shutting my door behind him. I knew immediately he knew! He knew! We never talked about it but I knew he had the seeing dreams too! That was all I needed. An ally. Never speaking of it but each knowing the other. Knowing it would always be our secret. My heart was happy even though I knew we must never talk about it. I was so filled with joy that this beloved man could see who I really was.
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“My earliest “foresight” memory was when I was about 4 years old. I described to my mother, her wedding and the dress she was wearing. The people that attended and the kind of food that was served at lunch two weeks before she married my adopted father! I didn’t know it was a wedding ceremony, I “saw” it as just a party. In those days children were not told about such things. I was not aware that they were not married”.
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“By day, I ran and jumped as high as I could and ran and jumped. Ran and jumped in circles round and round the yard as fast and and high as I could. Looking up at the sky and just jumping with all my strength, over and over. The grown ups said I was crazy. They told my mother I needed other kids to play with. My mother did not agree. She said I would talk too much. I couldn't figure that out. I always tried so hard not to over talk. (I eventually figured out that they weren't worried about my talking, but what I MIGHT say!) I was alone a lot but I didn't mind. I was too busy trying to figure things out.. With no one to talk to, what's a curious flier to do? I could see our apartment building and the street and the roofs of the apartments on the other side of the street an the ones next door to us. I knew it was real because I could see stuff on the roof tops I could never have seen from the ground. I was so shocked when I realized I was flying, I collapsed on the ground and was never able to do it again, although I tried, God knows I tried. It was many years before I learned about astral flight and many years before I left my body again, fully conscious. I could always fly when I was “asleep”..
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“As time moved on I became aware that other people didn’t “see” things the way I did. I remember an uncle wanting to put me on his lap as a child, I didn’t want to and started screaming because he kept insisting... I was punished and sent to my room for being so rude. But all I could see was dark around him... There were no colors... Just dark. He died of a massive heart attack the next day. I couldn’t tell anyone what I was “seeing” or rather not seeing. I didn’t have the words or the understanding that others didn’t/couldn't see the things that I did”.