I am not a writer and have never written anything worth anything in my life. However, I realize now that I am worth everything. And I do have a story to tell and it’s a good one. It is not an easy one to write; it has not been an easy story to live. But I have survived, even though there is nothing easy about what I’ve gone through, and that alone is more important than anything else because for me, the worst thing that can happen is you can die. And I am not going to die - not soon and not from this. I am living every single day - and I am living well. What it took to get me here to this place today has been well worth all the work, sacrifice, and dedication. Now it’s time to shine and share my story. It’s a good one.
Throughout you will read, raw, unedited entries from my journal - they are in bold, you cannot miss them. You will also read social media posts and edited journal entries that came later in my journey. Again, you can't miss those - I put them in bold just for you. Everything else came because of a force deep inside me telling me to write and write and write some more. I should truly just publish the journal. It’s kind of comical. My story is filled with real-life characters: Uber drivers, doctors’ appointments, people that thought they were doctors, all the famous people I’ve met, toxic people, long lost people, and people who changed my life. My story covers all the people I had to say goodbye to, the races I trained for, the yoga events I led, the challenges I conquered and the hills I ran. It’s all here for you to take in, one chapter at a time.
But before you decide to put this down because the last thing you want to read is another story of someone who got sick and kicked a little ass fighting off a faceless bully, you should know that this story is not about living with MS. It is about a woman, a mother, a yoga instructor, an athlete who suffered an acute neurological attack, an intense diagnosis, she accepted, embraced, as a chance to live life the way she always should have. When we start to live the life, we want and say “fuck it” to the expectations set forth by society, we discover how weak we once were to how strong we are now. In my story, you will see me at my lowest - unable to climb my own stairs; and, you will see me at my strongest - training to pace an ultra-athlete in what is known as the “world’s toughest footrace”, aka “Badwater.” And while the lows are sad, and the highs are amazing it is everything in between that matters - that is the heart of their story - the messy middle.
How did some little yogi from Phoenix by way of Chicago turn into a runner? And how did I defy all the odds given to me by six top neurologists in the country if not the world? All without medication. Without guidance. Without the support I needed and wanted so badly.
And, what makes my story unique? Other than the fact that six neurologists told me I would not be able to live my life on my terms? Or avoid another acute neurological attack? Or live without big pharma poisoning my veins? Simply put I have defied the odds with every mile that I have run and every sun salutation I completed on my mat. I have defied the odds by merely refusing to go with the status quo approach to managing my MS. Because that is the thing - you can only manage MS, you can’t cure it. At least not yet. I will not go silently into the darkness that is MS. Not without a fight. No fucking way.