Why Aren’t You Listening to Me?
Elevate Your Emotional Intelligence and Connect with Your Team
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CHAT involves three parts: first, becoming conscious, aware of what is going on within you right here in this moment. Second, you follow the thread of sensations (pain or pleasure are most powerful to motivate you, but there are many portals to getting in deeper connection with yourself), as well as your beliefs and perspectives that lead you to release any barrier that keeps you from knowing and being the truth of who you are: powerful, strong, connected. The system you have programmed within yourself is your version of auto pilot in your life. Much like a computer program establishes rules and code (if this, then that), your beliefs and perspectives are automatic. Lastly, you bring this awareness back to the surface of your life so you can engage in relationship with those around you in a way that is truly authentic and true to yourself from your deepest core to your outermost being. This is the eye of the storm, the centering, the place of greatest clarity and empowerment. Lauren arrives at my office looking exhausted and frazzled. She plops down on my brown leather wingback chair and slumps over, nearly on the verge of tears. “I almost never cry” she exclaims. “This day has just been horrible though. What is worse, it has been a horrible week, too.” I sit and listen, “Tell me, what you would like some coaching on today?” I watch as she tries to compose herself. I sit silently watching her and waiting. Several minutes go by and then she begins, “My district is in third to last place in the nation. The nation!” she exclaims. “Never in my life have I been so low. Never in my life have I sunk to such levels.” “What is it like for you to not to be the top producer any longer?” My question goes right to the core of her pain and she steels herself against it, absorbing the words as if she is pushing a sword more deeply into her body to prove she could handle it. “It’s embarrassing. I was always an A student, always graduated at the top of my class. I am humiliated.” “What is going on in your body right now?” She replies, “My head is throbbing, my lower back is tight and achy, my stomach hurts.” “What is present for you now in these feelings of humiliation?” “I am feeling frustrated, hurt and like I am not getting the support I need at work or at home. My easy-going husband is even more distant, and I fear he no longer loves me. I have really been riding him hard lately and I can’t help but feel like he might end up leaving me. Money is tight since I am on a salary these days without my bonuses, even though I get paid a lot of money, it is not the same as the commissions I once made as an advisor or managing advisor. I feel like I want to cry.” “What’s stopping you from crying right now?” “I don’t know.” I watch as tears well up in her eyes and threaten to overflow onto her high cheekbones. “What is present for you in this moment?” I ask. “I just don’t know how much more I can take. I have to be so tough and strong out there and I just can’t take it anymore.” She breaks down in tears as I sit holding space for those precious frozen emotions she has bottled up over the years that succumb to the heat in this moment and begin to flow. Lauren is very near or perhaps even at her rock bottom. When this happens, there is a release, a surrendering to what is present in your life. Often times you are unwilling to see how your behaviors, beliefs, perspectives are affecting your life, let alone change them. That is where I am able to help. It is vital to know where you are before you can chart a course of action to where you want to be. When you are completely unaware of your blind spots that hold you back from living a life worthy of yourself, you are moving at such a fast pace that you scarcely have time to pause and reflect upon what you are missing. Other times you can be so focused on the end result that your blinders prevent you from seeing the signs along the way that caution you are getting off track. What are you doing right now to make sure what happened to Lauren does not happen for you? There are a few questions I would like you to consider. The first one: Is it more important for you to be right or be in relationship? This can be a tough one for many of my clients as they are so accustomed to getting their own way that they think they shouldn’t have to choose. The fact is, whether you choose either perspective or demand both perspectives, it really does not matter to the other person. The other person is going to feel what you are saying just by the words you choose, so choose wisely. If you demand to have it both ways, what you are really saying to the other person is “I don’t care what you think, I don’t care what you want. All that matters is me and what I want and need.” Sounds pretty selfish, doesn’t it? The sad fact is that when people view life from this perspective, they end up being the ones who are miserable because they remove themselves from experiencing emotionally intimate relationships where they can get clues to themselves and their journey. The better you are at noticing the signs within yourself, the more gifts you uncover to live your best life! The next thing I would like you to consider is the manner in which you speak your words as well as your body language. As any actor will tell you,
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About the Book
You are driven, focused and have a knack for getting things done… most of the time. When challenges arise, it is often because your communication style did not go over well with others. Your no-nonsense attitude and focus on tackling tasks doesn’t always resonate with your direct reports and colleagues. If this sounds familiar, then elevate your emotional intelligence and connect with your team! In this book, Teresa Lodato, an executive leadership and relationship coach, shares a roadmap to get people listening, taking positive action, and achieving extraordinary results. Learn how to: • increase your ability to perform the work you are here to do with less effort and more joy; • establish routines that nourish your body while decreasing stress; • increase your quality of life by healing your overstressed body and overthinking mind; • use the gifts you were born with to achieve greater results. Elevating your emotional intelligence is a surefire way to accomplish everything you need at work and in life, and leaves you feeling stronger and healthier in the process. Start reading now to achieve better results with less effort today!