Love Death Love
by
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How much time do I have? How much time do we have? These are the first questions we ask when we or a loved one receives a fatal diagnoses. From the moment of diagnosis, everything changes. The cascade of emotions are felt and denied, at ever-changing intervals. Learning to accept death as part of life can be as natural as accepting the birth of a baby. Through this journey to death, time becomes a factor until it is not. Time seems to evaporate and its importance is gone. When love permeates your experience, time doesn't seem so important. It is all about the journey. Let me help you... You, the reader, most likely are suffering your first deep loss. My heart goes out to you. Of course, if you are the one dying you are having a firsthand experience. Honor yourself. Pull from deep within the courage that you need. It's there... I promise. I have had many experiences with death, and I have become more adept at handling the journey. I feel when it is my turn that I will become fearful, followed by peace and serenity with the trust and faith that I will be encompassed by love when my heart stops. Furthermore, I believe that with acceptance, this love can be achieved before death and often is. The catalyst of our journey is all in the acceptance. Fully realizing the truth of the situation sets up the spiritual synchronistic events to follow. Believing that death is coming allows for the beauty of this fact to unfold. Picture a budding flower about to bloom with all its wonder. With all the color, texture, scent and reaching. This is the natural essence of being. There is a garden around you that supports your process whether the present moment is a thunderstorm of grief or the bliss of serenity and surrender. Imagine a closed, tight flower bud that refuses to open. All that beauty enclosed and hidden from what could be. It is painful and sad if that inner beauty is never realized. Accepting the inevitable is productive; not accepting it is tragic. This is a choice for the living. At this point I remember my mother. She said, "I am going to live until I die." Everyone will die. It is something that we all have in common. When you are ready to accept that you are dying, when you are ready to accept that your dear loved one is dying, the peace that surpasses understanding will carry you. This will occur only when you allow it to happen.
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About the Book
This book is for readers who are dealing with grief and pain while facing an end of life experience. An easy-to-read book like this is likely all he or she would want to read at such a time.
This is a collection of stories that showcase the experience of a loved one's death and how to best process the emotions felt during that time of grief. The goal is for the reader to begin accepting the journey of death with love. In these pages I express my own experiences and I hope that you can recognize yourself, that you can relate to something that lightens the pain of death and/or allows your loved one to pass over, and that you can cherish your time together.
About the Author
ELLEN LONG STILWELL is a registered nurse certified in hospice and palliative care. While raising her two boys, she volunteered as part of the hospice team with Metropolitan Jewish Health System. She worked several years for Visiting Nurse Service of New York, where she cared for hospice patients and families in their homes. She also worked with Calvary as a Liaison at Weill Cornell, transitioning patients and families from the acute care setting into hospice care. Ellen is working with patients and families at home, the heart of hospice. She is also trained as a death doula by a Buddhist Monk. Ellen is on the faculty at Adelphi University in Garden City, New York, teaching Caring for the Patient Nearing End of Life.