Happiness through Hardship

Chapter 3 Your Coping and Care On Day Two with cancer, I woke up wondering if I was ready to begin my new life as “Caryn with Cancer” – and simply not knowing what to do with such earth-shattering news. Those first twenty-four hours were the worst – and the next day was pretty rotten as well. But I was determined to turn things around, so I thought about how I handled hard times earlier in my life. While a cancer diagnosis differs from a broken finger, stressful boss, or some kind of social/relationship drama, there is an effective tool I’ve used in situations and conflicts throughout my life. I call it my “mourning-without-care” period, and I give myself a certain amount of time – usually forty-eight hours – to mourn without care. If that meant staying in bed and crying all day and night, then that’s what I would do. If it meant feeling sorry for myself and talking about it for two straight days, then I did it. If it was locking myself in a room and blasting music…eating too much...eating too little...swearing, dancing, or just being – as long as it wasn’t against the law or incredibly unhealthy – I was okay with it and I did it. Then, after my mourning-without-care time period, I take one step at a time and bring my life back in focus. I create a to-do list and then start working things off the list in priority order. And trust me, that’s exactly what I did when the shock of my cancer diagnosis struck. The headaches, tissue-scratched nose, and mind-racing negativity momentarily pained me, but I didn’t judge myself for them. I just let them be until I moved on– and then I felt relieved to be freed from them. You see, with a cancer diagnosis, there isn’t a lot of time to just “sit back.” You have to figure out the treatment plan – which can be daunting. In the long run, the research and information gathering will likely make the situation less stressful and ease your mind somewhat. Less stress = peace = happiness. To this day, I am confident with my treatment plan because it was well thought out. I’m happy with the decisions my husband and I made, and grateful for the family, friends, and doctors who helped make it happen. Part of coping successfully with the hardship of disease involves finding a care team. A care team consists of people you want to be your support system. Specifically, it is the people you know who will provide help, guidance, and authentic support. (It’s not just a list of people who say they “want” to be there for you. It’s those who will.) It’s important to put together a solid team because you will need to draw on their help during treatment to make your life easier. In doing so, consider these questions: “Who makes your life easier?” • You can find a role for them, even if they live far away. “Who is exceptionally organized?” • They can potentially take notes, attend your appointments with you, or even arrange for other friends to help you with your family or work situation. “Who makes you laugh?” • FaceTime them every other day. “Can they come visit once a week?” • When they do, you can talk about anything other than cancer. Let them try to bring you back to “normalcy.” “Who has been through this before?” • They can be your new pen pal/text pal, providing insight when you need it. While it’s no fun to be going through turmoil, being surrounded by loved ones and people who selflessly care will make the experience less stressful. It’s easy to feel love when people care. When I feel loved, I am truly happy. So, what I found out early in my cancer adventure is this: Cancer is devastating, but it doesn’t mean I (or you) have to be devastated.