Joy at the Edges of Grief
Learning to Be Present in the Midst of Caregiving, Illness, and Loss
by
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At the Edges—I Could
My mind and heart wrestled when people asked, “How are you?” I never quite knew how to answer. I could not honestly say, “All is well,” and move on. Life consisted of complex emotional layers and daily uncertainties with the illness and caregiving needs.
One day I heard myself reply to a friend, “I have learned that there are edges, and I can find light at those edges. I am grateful for the edges.” I did not get a verbal response; neither did I expect one. I recall thinking, “that is probably really hard for someone to understand. I was trying to understand it myself.” After that exchange, I was more curious about what I called the edges.
We generally think of edges as a place where something ends or a quality of sharpness. In my emotional challenges, the edges did not feel like a space that ended or dropped off; it was a radiating area where I sensed light. Yes, I indeed felt sharp and dark qualities at the end of difficult feelings, but when I looked beyond that darkness, I found light, which released me toward supportive and softer neighboring emotions. That light taught me to find any goodness that was also surrounding me. This helped me to reach for options that would best care for the pain, fear, or challenging situation.
As I continued to choose fluidity in my emotions, I became more proficient in discovering that light and using softer supportive emotions to buffer dark, sharp, or what sometimes felt like hopeless moments. Of course, I did not always experience joy at the edges there, but my heart found hope and comfort when I remembered to look for the light-filled edges.
I think I labeled it “joy at the edges” because joy has the quality of light. Over time, it became natural for me to stretch beyond darkness and seek light at the edges. I did this by taking a slightly deeper in-breath to get a bit further outward from a dark moment. In doing this, I found myself noticing any possible goodness at that time, and I was better able to access supportive feelings. I found some balance.
At the edges, I felt present and grateful for the ability to be here now. The edge is not an end; it is where there is light and goodness and where other emotions intersect or join. It is a better place to be—more open, balanced, lifted, and available. In time, I trusted that those light-filled edges would always contain gentleness and lead me to comfort or respite. I also started to believe that is where the gifts and lessons lived.
In choosing to stretch outward in an emotion—to the edges where there was light, I learned I could …
I could find light in darkness.
I could find calm in chaos.
I could find trust in fear.
I could find respite in exhaustion.
I could find acceptance in anger.
I could find comfort in distress.
I could find peace in worry.
I could find joy in sadness.
At the edges—I could.
May I continue to breathe a little deeper to find those light-filled edges.
May others find that light and comfort at the edges of struggles and grief.
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About the Book
When Elizabeth Straka’s husband, David, was diagnosed with cancer, she had no idea how they would manage the complex and continuous needs that accompanied his diagnosis. Soon, they realized they were unable to confidently make good decisions, especially without a clear direction ahead. Fortunately, they eventually discovered that finding gratitude and being present allowed them to find light and hope even in their darkest days. In a tender presentation created from journal entries and reflections, Straka details the emotional experiences of terminal illness, caregiving, loss, and grief while providing compassionate, helpful insights about how to navigate life’s most difficult moments. She begins by detailing their journey prior to cancer as well as the confusing and emotional path that followed David’s diagnosis and continues with her reflections as she begins moving through the different stages of grief after his death. Her shared lessons about the power of presence and gratitude invite others into a safe place where they, too, can come to terms with their own grief and loss. Joy at the Edges of Grief is an authentic guide to finding the power of presence and gratitude in the midst of a life-challenging illness and monumental loss.
About the Author
Elizabeth lives in the Northeast, where she maintains a speech-language practice, offers Reiki and mindfulness education, writes, and creates. In helping others, she has an intuitive gift for seeing and identifying interrelationships within conditions or situations, and is known to communicate with compassion, attention, and insight as she provides heart-centered care and support. Elizabeth holds a PhD from the University of Oregon. She taught, presented nationally, consulted, mentored, and published before she returned to direct practice as a speech-language therapist. After making her way through grief, she found herself writing Joy at the Edges of Grief and ultimately seeking ways to support other caregivers or those grieving. The book shares her experiences and insights in caregiving, loss, and healing. The lessons she learned about the power of mindful awareness and gratitude are truly transformational and applicable for those caring for a loved one or coming to terms with their own grief and loss. Visit her website at edgesofgrief.com to learn more.