The Conscious Communicator

When we work with horses, we spend a lot of time teaching them to be confident in situations which they would naturally want to run away from. We work through their fears by showing them that we can be trusted and what they fear is not going to hurt them. In fact, my husband and I spend weekends teaching people how to navigate through obstacles which riders perceive as scary, what really happens is, we work through the riders' fears and show them how to communicate in a way that has their horse looks to them for answers when they are unsure of a situation, rather than taking matters into their own “hands”. What results, is people who learn to communicate clearly despite their fear and allows them to have success where they never thought they could. I wish people would approach their own lives the same way they approach our trail clinics: with excitement and anticipation, they look at the obstacles before them, and through guidance and encouragement, they become present and deal with what is presented to them in a conscious manner, which gets them over the obstacle and excited to tackle the next. So, what stops us from consciously working through our fears, no matter how big or small? At times, we feel like we are living lives we have no control over, that our job is not what we want, our husband or wife does not give us what we need, our friends don’t act like friends. We believe that that is life if that is what is present then that is what we have to live with; this is simply not true. We are responsible for the direction of our lives, external factors most definitely have an influence, but we often find comfort in our suffering. Taking responsibility and control of our lives is often so overwhelming, remaining stagnant feels like the only choice available. Fear can hold us back from so many choices in our lives, from small decisions to very large life choices, fear stops us from doing things like speaking to someone new or taking a dance class alone, taking a trip we’ve always wanted, leaving our abusive partner or leaving our job we find little to no joy in. Every decision we make, large or small, all have an impact on our lives, but it is not this impact which we tend to fear. The fear which I see holds people back most often, is the fear of what others will think, what if others laugh at me, what if others don’t understand why I am doing it, what if others think I shouldn’t, what if others judge me (they will by the way), what if people see me fail? We spend so much time fearing what other people think, we don’t allow ourselves to think about the positives our decisions could bring into our lives. When did we start believing the opinion or judgment of others was more important than our own happiness, growth, and freedom? This may be easier said than done, but I promise it is possible, we must start making decisions which are based on self-love and self-awareness and understand the judgment of others is a reflection of them, not us. When we are able to move beyond the judgment of others, we find a new sense of freedom. In saying this, I think it is important to note that I am not talking about the defensive manner people say, “I don’t give a shit what people think of me”. When we speak this way, it is a reflection of a barrier we have put up to shut people out. I have witnessed a lot of people who present themselves with an assertive “I don’t care” manner, who actually care a whole lot. They use this attitude to try to stop people from seeing their vulnerabilities. When we truly come to a point in life where we are less concerned about the opinion of others, it comes about as a more internal realization, which is shown through action more so than words. When we begin to love ourselves enough to let go of the judgment of others, we will be able to make choices which lead to our happiness more often. When we begin to live a brave life the judgement of others can still hurt, while writing this book I was told of many who doubted me or mocked my decision, I still allowed myself to feel sad for their remarks and I even allowed myself time to cry over it some, but then I would call someone who made me smile and I would remind myself of something Oprah once said in an interview, “You cannot live a brave life without disappointing some people.” It is true, it will still feel awful, but rather than have it change your mind, allow it to change your perspective. Making choices to change your life for the better comes in many forms, from deciding to adopt, moving to a new town or country or leaving a partner with a long history, or it could be as small as deciding to ask someone out to dinner. All of our choices which we make in our best interest have the possibility of being very frightening, but also very rewarding. Deciding to leave your full-time career is no easy task. It does not come without hours of self-doubt and doubt expressed freely from those around you. When I first had what I called, “the crazy thought” of leaving teaching, I pushed it out of my mind immediately. Within seconds I had a flash of fear from all the what-if’s that made me dismiss the idea and think it impossible.