Messages from My Heart

My next challenge was navigating the approximately one thousand mile trip over the High Sierras, through the Nevada Desert, east along the Snake River, then north at Pocatello toward the west entrance to Yellowstone Park in Montana. I had made that trip so many times over the years, but never did the driving. Lee always insisted on driving no matter where we went together and for however long we drove. The truck and camper were his domain. Undaunted by the ordeal ahead of me, I packed a bag and set out for Idaho. As American author Thomas Wolfe is famous for saying, “You Can’t Go Home Again.” Nothing was the same and I felt others’ judgement of my decision to separate from my marriage. A solo woman was simply not welcome in this vacation atmosphere and I was totally at a loss to know what to do with myself. Most of my time was spent walking the streams nearby catching trout, or going to Huckleberry Hill to pick enough fruit for pie or cereal in an attempt to “earn my keep” and stay out of the way. I was relegated to the huge upstairs loft where the children and grandchildren slept when they visited. It was terribly hot up there during the day, so I would have to sneak downstairs to find a cool comfortable corner to read. About five days into my visit the clincher to my discomfort was overhearing a phone conversation Alice was having out in the kitchen with someone (possibly one of the other golf ladies). “I don’t know when she’s planning on leaving and I really don’t know what to do with her. I just want the place to myself before the kids start coming with the grandkids.” Why hadn’t she said something? Was she just being dramatic, or had I become the pest she was describing to the person on the other end of the line? Needless to say I was beyond embarrassed. I was mortified! I had become an imposition no matter how hard I tried to contribute and to stay out of the way. I sneaked back up to the loft, packed my bag and wrote a very proper note telling the Bowers how much I had appreciated their kind hospitality. When Alice left on her errands for the day, I placed the note on kitchen counter, threw my bag in the car and headed south, back to California. Indeed, I could not go back to my old stomping grounds and act like nothing had changed. It was time for me to look forward and start crafting a new life.