Erica’s Blog: A Tool Kit for Fixing What’s Not Working in Your Life
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So if I'm so smart, why do I keep doing such stupid things? Relationships for me are like video games where I can't get past the basic levels. I jump, I dodge, I evade the monsters, but I still don't seem to move forward. Did someone hand out an instructions manual and forget to give me one? I want the manual! I want to know how to deal with my mother without anger or tears, my sister without the need to scream, my coworkers without resentment over how easily they seem to handle themselves. And I want a long-term relationship with a wonderful man. And speaking of men, here's the latest on that front. It's not pretty. Last week, I had to explain to the doctor at the walk-in clinic how a fish hook got into my shoulder instead of in a fish—and I swear he smirked before he assured me I was in no danger of tetanus. I'm left with a small scar and some embarrassing memories. And being snared by the fish hook wasn't the worst of it. The really stupid thing was to go fishing in the first place, especially in terrible heat, on an uncomfortable boat, with too much beer and not enough water to drink. Why did I do it? OK, this is the worst part: I did it for a guy, one who wasn't even fun or considerate of me. Sad to say, my medical history is chock full of events like this latest one—all in the pursuit of my prince! In 31 years, I have sprained an ankle trying to play rugby (Rugby! When I wasn't even good at girls field hockey), pulled a hamstring on an advanced trail with a guy who loved to hike, bruised my hip skiing a slope that was way too tough for me, and now I have a scar on my shoulder from the fishing trip. It seems I have lots of memories of the perils of being a good sport for some guy. Not even THE guy; just a guy. Before I lose a limb and whatever is left of my self-esteem, I've got to make a course correction. I'm drawn to guys who have just one huge attraction: they’re available! I get kind of desperate, no thanks to my mother and her concern about her single daughter growing overripe on the vine instead of marrying and producing grandkids. Does she really need more baby photos on her cell phone to share with friends? If I'm being honest, my unhappiness with my life isn't just about guys. Oh yes, there's my mother—like a swirl of emotionally charged free floating radicals—affecting my mental health when I least expect it! And work. I'm hurt to the core that I didn't get the promotion I think I truly deserved. What happened? The opportunity was just hanging there, ready for me to pluck like a shiny apple—and I ended up with applesauce. Where is the fairness in the world? OK, no one wants to come to my pity party, not even me anymore. I've started this blog as a way of writing myself into action. I have to break the cycle of stupidity in my relationships, or lack of them. Looks like I’ll be spending more time on my laptop and less time at singles bars. Did I mention that otherwise I'm fairly smart? I recently re-framed my college diploma to remind myself of that. So I hereby assign myself some homework: Check out some of the books that promise their readers will become desirable, happy, rich, tall, thin, sensual, and in touch with the outer rings of Saturn on a really good day! Then, I will record in this blog what I'm learning and the progress I'm making. Maybe I'll meet a guy at the bookstore who's into novels. How much physical damage can I do if we just download books together? July 5 I've learned I'm not alone in feeling like my life is not on the right trajectory. There are shelves and shelves of self-help books in the bookstore and too many online for human comprehension. Just skimming the titles made me feel better—I'm not anorexic, suicidal, addicted to drugs, or trying to search out my birth parents (although I must admit it's tempting to believe I'm not my mother's daughter!). So that takes care of a few shelves. In the face of so many general guidebooks to happier living, I realize I need to define my problems specifically. Frankly, my irritations seem pale in comparison to some of the subtitles and chapter headings I've skimmed. All I need for perfection is an ideal man, a powerful, yet satisfying career, plenty of money, charming children, and dear friends. And while I'm at it, I might as well throw in world peace, the end to hunger, environmental sustainability, and a size 4 body that resists wrinkles. Are there apps for those? OK, this is my blog; I'm allowed to be silly and sarcastic now and again. Seriously, though, look at that list I just created. It starts with "an ideal man." Why do I do that? It can't start with a man. Even before I plunge into this stack of reading material, I know that it has to start with me, and unfortunately I'll need to work on relationships all around—with my family and at work, for instance. So, I've got lots of green Thai tea on hand, some multigrain crackers as a slight bow to good nutrition, and a stack of books that have something in them about "self-actualization." I'll be like a Transformer—watch me turn into a new and improved self in several easy steps.
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About the Book
This is another book in the field of self-help for women! How could that possibly be worth writing or publishing? The shelves of bookstores and local libraries are full of titles. Amazon’s lists seem endless. Yet Erica’s Blog proudly proclaims that it’s different and it has a proven track record with individual readers, as a text for group therapy or as an addition to individual therapy. Readers criticize self-help books for “reading too much like textbooks” with “too many pages devoted to analyzing and defining problems.” They also complain they feel “talked down to” by authors who offer simplistic suggestions. Erica’s Blog avoids these pitfalls, presenting respected clinical approaches in a unique “fictionalized” format. Readers get acquainted with Erica through her blog and, as the book progresses, find themselves identifying with her. They can gain validation, comfort, and hopefully, even courage as they observe Erica struggling with—and profiting from—the various “tools” in her “tool kit.” The unique fictional package combining honesty and humor with serious and time-honored clinical tools makes this book a page-turner for the reader.
About the Author
Kendra T. Brown, Ph.D. is a licensed Psychologist in Stuart, Florida where she has enjoyed a thriving private practice for over twenty years. Her therapy is primarily solution oriented, working collaboratively with her clients, constructing strategies and techniques to help them achieve their goals. She is the author of: Eavesdropping: As Real Women Talk About the Gifts and Challenges of Aging (published by Rainbow Books in 2012 and currently in its second printing, available on Amazon.com). This book was born out of Brown’s passion for empowering women of all ages. The lively discussions in Eavesdropping were re-creations of a group project she started in 2009, which continued for three years. Before earning her Ph.D. from the University of Memphis, she was a teacher in special education and the field director of human resources for a large company. Dr. Brown has lectured, taught and written in the fields of psychology, sports enhancement, human resources, and hypnosis. She continues to market her book through public speaking, appearances at libraries and book clubs, as a sponsor for local NPR, and through a monthly newsletter on her website: www.kendrabrownphd.com . Patricia Austin Novak is a Public Relations professional, past president of The Florida Public Relations Association on the Treasure Coast, and recipient of the Communicator of the Year Award. She has an extensive career in public service and has been the marketing advisor for many of the larger organizations on Florida’s Treasure Coast. Pat serves on the boards of several community non-profit organizations, including the local (four county) mental health center. She is an adjunct professor in writing and has long-term relationships with the local state university.