Chat ’Bout!

CONTENTS 15 Acknowledgements 16 Foreword 18 Crukkin’ Lizzad 20 T20 Cricket 21 Carnival Lament 22 Natural Healin’ 24 Fluffy Diva 26 Night Noise 27 Midnight Swim 28 Ah Wah Do Dem? 30 Mad Man 32 Broomeh! 34 Jamaican Isms 36 Mannaz, Bwoy 38 Black Heart Man 40 Dead Yard 43 Satideh Speshal 44 Jamaican Sweetie 46 Jamaican Frustration 47 Naasy Neaga 48 Jamaican Rain 49 Ole Ginnal 50 Runnin’ Belly 52 Ole Time Sumpting 54 Jamaican GPS 56 Road Rage 59 Goat! 61 Seh Feh! 62 Likkle Labrish 63 Anatomy of a Jamaican 64 Sundeh Dinna 66 Hol’ Dawg! 68 Jamaican Brown Dog 70 ‘Memba When? 73 Weh Dem Gawn? 74 Lef Mi Nuh! 77 Ode To Julie 78 Dem Jamaicans 81 Ugly Foot 82 Dem Out Fi Mad Mi 83 Likkle Miss Nuffus 84 One Stap, Driva! 86 Here Comes Fudgie 88 Jonkonnu 90 Tenk Yu Jezas! 91 John Crow Batty 92 Pickney Tings 93 Wall Toll 94 Hard Ears Pickney 95 Spare Di Rod 96 Coconut Park 97 Cah I Seh Suh 98 Jamaican Talk 99 Unda Di Influence 100 Jamaican Patty 101 Dis Lizzad 102 Mummy 103 Paradise 104 Ova Mi Dead Body 105 Race Time 106 Chat ‘Bout! 108 King Alarm 109 Fatta 110 About the Author FOREWORD Chat 'Bout! An Anthology of Jamaican Conversations I love everything about the diversity of Jamaican culture: our people, language, food, arts, beautiful landscape and so much more. I am so proud of all our contributions and achievements on the world’s stage, some made against all odds. It’s our indomitable spirit that makes us ‘little but tallawah’ and makes us stand out from the rest. But it’s the way that we talk, and how we describe things that fascinates me. As Jamaicans, we tend to be very literal, calling it as we see it often without any sugar coating, but most times in a humourous way. Chat ‘Bout!, meaning to talk about a subject in an informal way, is a collection of familiar voices or conversations about a common or shared Jamaican experience to convey a slice of life of things Jamaican, both old and new. I selected the title Chat ‘Bout! because we talk a lot in Jamaica, sometimes too much, but it’s our rich legacy of oral traditions that help to preserve our history, passed down from generation to generation - old family recipes, folklore, superstitions, old wives tales, medicinal cures, religious rituals, proverbs, legends and historical events. This is my inspiration for Chat ‘Bout! because our ancestral roots define us, connects us to our past, shapes and enriches our cultural sensibilities and makes us unique. We all share a unified identity born out of a collective memory which needs to be kept alive for generations to come through story telling. I want Chat ‘Bout! to remind everyone, how special we are as a people, as a country - this paradise that we live in despite it’s problems. I hope that you will enjoy, identify with and be truly entertained with the scenarios and idiosyncrasies identified in Chat ‘Bout! It is a lighthearted celebration of the Jamaican spirit and dialect that is the backbone of Jamaican culture. It is tongue in cheek, reflecting the good, the bad and the ugly aspects of Jamaican life; the resilience of Jamaicans and our ability to not take ourselves too seriously and to tek bad tings mek laugh. I hope too, that it will stir conversation, memories, passion and pride in our country and raise awareness of the need to preserve and celebrate our cultural legacy and encourage all Jamaicans to continue the tradition of storytelling in our own homes. CRUKKIN’ LIZZAD Mi ‘fraid of crukkin’ lizzad bad bad yu see, dem mek mi blood run cowl cah mi an’ dem nuh ‘gree. Dem strike so so fear inna mi heart when dem a croak at night, mek mi tun fool fool wheneva mi ketch dem sight. Mi no inna namin’ dem like people do dem pet cah mi neva meet a crukkin’ lizzad dat mi eva like yet. If one eva drop pon mi, mi would jus’ dead! Mi woulda have conniption if one eva crawl inna mi bed!