Life: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

“Finding Freedom” “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid; you are far more valuable than many sparrows.” (Luke 12:7 AMP) Spiritual Spotlight: Can you imagine anyone taking the time to count each individual strand of hair on your head? I know, I can’t either. Why would God want to know the number of hairs on my head and every other intricate detail there is to know about me? After all, I am made from dust, but in the eyes of Our Father, I am more than tiny particles that make up my skin, my bones, my hair, and any other physical feature that masks the essence of who I truly am. When God made me, He was fully conscious of the value He placed within me, and He also knew that one day I would get distracted and must be reminded of whose I am, His Child. I wrestled with knowing my true value for a very long time, well into my adulthood to be exact, because I didn’t re-member the substance that I was made of, The All-Encompassing God-substance. My value never diminished, I just allowed circumstances, experiences, thoughts, choices, and people to speak louder than the voice of Truth that resided within me. Not knowing my true value was the root cause of my suffering, and trying to get validation from external sources became a tiring, pretentious way of being. When I began the quest to find out who I truly am, I began to flow more with the current of Life and not against it. I am also learning to know and to operate in who I truly am directly ties me to my destiny, and I can’t reach my destiny without knowing who I am. In God’s eyes, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am now just beginning to accept this truth and hopefully soon I will be able to openly embrace all that I truly am in Him. During my junior year in high school, I remember asking my mom if I could begin taking birth control pills; back then you had to have a parent’s permission to get birth control pills. She was livid when I asked. She said, “Jane why do you want to do that? I couldn’t take birth control pills when I was coming up. They made me sick.” Full of fear, I said, “I just want to take them.” I was curious about sex, but I didn’t want to get pregnant. I had goals that I wanted to accomplish, and if I had a baby before I was ready then I couldn’t reach my goals. Being able to accomplish my goals, on my perceived timetable, was more important than enduring the uncomfortable conversation and yelling from my mom; therefore, I was willing to go through the dreaded “sex talk” with my mom. Days later, my mom finally said, “Go on Jane, you can go and get birth control pills.” Was my mom upset because she thought I was growing up too fast or was she upset because she wanted me to wait to have sex until I was married? Probably both, however, my mom knew I was going to tell her the truth-most of the time-and do what she asked me to do. Still, I felt less than for asking my mom if I could go to the health clinic to get birth control pills because I felt like I was no longer a good girl in her eyes. A month or so after the “sex talk”, I remember telling my mom I was going to a party with my best friend at the time, but I didn’t tell her where the party was being held because she was not going to let me go. I had just asked her about taking birth control pills and if I would have told her that the party was going to be at a hotel I was not going to be able to attend. So, I lied to my mother because I didn’t tell her the whole truth. When my best friend and I arrived at the party there were other females there so I was a little relieved, but still nervous. My older sister would call my friend and me nerds and this night we were the biggest nerds ever because my best friend and I stood out like sore thumbs at this particular party; we didn’t fit in at all. We felt awkward and therefore left the party early; nothing happened we didn’t even drink the alcohol that was readily available. Someone called my mom and told her that I was at the hotel. When I got home I didn’t have the opportunity to explain my side of the story. My mom said, “I don’t want to hear it, you lied and told me you were going to a party.” I got it good; this time with the yelling and screaming she also gave me a whooping. It hurt me more to know that my mom didn’t believe that I was telling her the truth than the actual licks from the belt did. Life’s Gift I did a lot of other crazy things and got caught in the process, but I was trying to figure out who I was as an individual, not the person I was in the eyes of my church family, my teachers, my school friends, my neighborhood friends, relatives, etc. It was a challenge trying to live up to all those expectations, and I gave it my best shot, but I was unsuccessful and that is okay because I had to learn to live for myself. I wanted to do the things that made me come alive; things that were out of my comfort zone; and things that stretched me. Sometimes, those things got me into big trouble; and other times, those things taught me how to live; and a few of those things taught me to stay in my own lane. Life happened. I got older, and I wanted to experience life on my terms. I was tired of living my life through the books I read, and going to church became monotonous and meaningless. I wanted something more, and I got something more; my something more was called freedom. Everyone is on a search for something more. What is your something more called? Describe it on the lines below. ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________