Divorce Bullying: An Epidemic

Things a bully may do… Bullying is often subtle and divorce bullying may take on that form too. Divorce bullying is never fun for the target of the bullying. Bullies play on the fear of the target and the behavior is deliberate. Divorce bullying is most difficult to recognize and overcome because the bully knows more about the target than if they were never married and the divorce bully counts on those fears to get what they want out of the tactics they use. Some of the actions of divorce bullies I have observed are listed below: 1. An estranged father brought a hand gun to a visit with the children so that the partner would realize just what was at stake. 2. While a young mother took the children to a birthday party at Grandma’s (4 hours away) the father called his mother in law over and over to ensure they arrived. (Grandma figured out that he was afraid Mom may back track and catch him where he should not be.) 3. Mom/Dad feels so superior to the other parent that they turn the children against the other parent. 4. Dad kept the kids for two nights while Mom’s father was in the hospital and used it against Mom in court to demonstrate Mom was unstable (note: Her father died.) 5. Parent A tries to get Parent B to agree to 50/50 custody so they will drop the custody suit and there is no child support. 6. He put a hole in the wall with his fist and told her to be glad she wasn’t standing there. 7. Mom/Dad calls the Cabinet for Families and Children to report neglect and abuse over and over hoping that there is a weak moment that gets the kids removed so they can snatch them. 8. Dad kidnaps four children and whisks them to another state to file custody papers – regardless that they had lived in the same town for over four years. (Mom won that one). 9. Parent A makes Parent B mad prior to the weekend timeshare and the visiting parent won’t allow the children to speak to the other parent all weekend. 10. A parent lies under oath about assets to prevent a fair and equitable settlement. 11. A parent refuses over and over to turn over tax documents and bank statements and the Judge allowed this till the other parent loses everything. 12. Parent A lies about Parent B and past incidents to make Parent B look bad in court. 13. Parent A isolates Parent B from family and friends so they maintain control. 14. Rather than hiring a lawyer for the purpose of dividing assets and settling family affairs, a parent hires the attorney to intimidate the other parent till they give in to all the demands. 15. Parent A refuses to believe Parent B can cook or clean or parent because they never did it before. 16. Parent A verbally attacks Parent B every opportunity and denies it when confronted by professionals. 17. After a parent moves out, they return over and over to control and “check in”. 18. A parent records each and every conversation and uses each word against the other parent – sometimes changing the audio to mean something different. With the new age of electronics, a CD can be made and handed to an attorney and it becomes one party’s word against the other. 19. Parent A says that if Parent B leaves, they will kill themselves and it will be Parent B’s fault. 20. The working parent moves out and stops all financial contributions to the family home immediately. 21. Parent A moves everything out of the home, leaving one fork, one plate, one cup, one pan, etc. You get the idea. They probably take the working television too. 22. Parent A cleans out the joint bank account. 23. Parents make threats to the other parent about “taking” full custody of the children. One of the most common tactics I see are that a bully parent sees themselves as perfect so the other parent never does anything right.