Hell in the Hallway, Light at the Door

Introduction

I wish I knew who originally said, "When one door closes, another one opens, but it can be hell in the hallway". I heard it from my mother, who was quoting a speaker she heard at a conference.

At first, it’s amusing. The image of being in a hallway, looking for a doorway out, usually elicits a chuckle of recognition.

Then memories of hell may surface for anyone who has been through a difficult change. We’ve all been there.

The first time I spoke about the hallway, the audience’s response astounded me. People couldn‘t wait to tell me their personal stories. Everyone seemed to be in a time of transition or knew someone who was. At last, they had a name and a visual image for what they were going through. They were in the hallway!

Simply knowing what to call it and how to think about this period of uncertainty in your life can be healing.

A door has closed, but another will open.

The sun will rise on a new day.

Your experience had a beginning and will have an end, if not in physical form then at least in your mind and heart, as you come to terms with reality. The hallway represents change, and you’ve survived change before.

The hallway is not simply to be endured. It can be a place of recovery and reflection, of growth and understanding, of human love and deeper connection with Spirit.

I hope this book will help you stay conscious and awake to the gifts life has brought you, even if you have no idea what the future holds.

A COMMON THREAD

Any discussion of the hallway falls naturally into three parts—what puts you in the hallway, what you do while there, and how you manage to leave it. Whether the door that closed for you involved death, divorce, job loss, illness or a major alteration in your family or life circumstances, you are in a hallway, and all hallways have elements in common.

Some might argue that grieving a death is different from, say, bankruptcy. Or ending a relationship is different from losing a job.

The details are certainly different. But I maintain the spiritual challenge is the same whenever you go through a major change. The work of the hallway is to accept what has happened, unwrap the gifts that have been delivered in this strange and unexpected package, and design the next phase of your life.

Nearly everyone who has been through a difficult transition recounts a divine element, and this book freely discusses God and prayer and spirituality. I find very few people take offense at such language, but you are welcome to tweak the ideas presented here to fit your personal beliefs.

No matter the language used to describe them, our needs in the hallway are similar in any circumstances. You will probably need:

• To accept strength, comfort and guidance from other people.

• To spend time alone, to be quiet, take walks, journal, create or pray.

• To forgive people, groups or circumstances.

• To become willing to see the gifts in the situation.

• To understand and accept a new reality.

• And eventually, to open a door to the next phase of your life.

I consider these elements to be spiritual. And by that I mean of the Spirit that each of us embodies, as we are fully human and fully divine.

But this is not about religion. The journey through the hallway is within you.

THOSE WHO HAVE GONE BEFORE YOU

I wish I could offer you 10 Quick Steps Through the Hallway! Feel better today! Solve all your problems with one short book! But that would diminish your experience.

In this book, you will read the stories of real people who have been through the hallway and survived, even maximized their time in the darkness. I am struck by the raw honesty of their sharing, the sometimes searing pain they describe and the redemption they found when they opened a new door.

One friend complained that the stories are depressing. Seriously? I find them magnificently uplifting! Every one of them is about overcoming adversity through the power of God and the human spirit. And the experiences of others are as instructive as anything I could tell you.

You will hear these people describe how they survived some of the most difficult episodes of their lives. Parts Two and Three of this book will break out the elements of their spiritual work so you may look more closely at their process. You will learn how good their lives became when they emerged from the hallway.

If they can do it, so can you.

Some of the people whose stories you will read were interviewed by me, and others sent emails when I requested hallway stories. Each person is quoted directly—no composites, no fictionalizing—and only a few first names have been changed. Wherever you see a full name, it is real, and of course all the stories are used with permission.

These stories are not out of the ordinary, except for the people who were involved. No one made headlines or history. But that’s the point. Change is part of life, and how you manage each new phase of your life—especially when you did not seek it—is one of the primary ways your soul grows through this human experience.

I am honored and grateful these stories were shared with me. But those quoted here offered their experiences in the hope of helping you.

You will surely identify with some of them. Their circumstances fall primarily into the Big Three categories of life: health, relationships and money. You might not see the exact details of your story in this book, but remember the spiritual work is the same in any hallway. The circumstances that brought it about are secondary.

I would caution you not to compare pain, not to label yours as greater or less than someone else’s. It’s unlikely your pain is worse than any other human being has ever suffered, although it might feel that way right now. But also don’t minimize what you feel, just because the change in your life appears less dramatic than some.

Your life is offering gifts designed especially for you. Notice and accept them. Take all the good you can from your personal hallway before you open the next door and step, blinking, into the light.

A Word About Hell

As much as I love spiritual seekers and surround myself with them, talking to them is sometimes difficult. Especially when I suggest certain events in our lives are just plain awful.

When I talk about hell in the hallway, they challenge me:

Does it have to be hell? What do you mean by “hell” anyway?

That’s judgmental. Don’t label it as bad. It is what it is.

If we affirm it’s going to be hell, then won’t it be?

Don’t we create our own hell?

Yes, we do, that’s the point. The goal of this book is to create something better.

But I’m not going to pretend that every experience in life is happy, joyful or beneficial. Not all feelings are equally desirable. Some events in our lives hurt like hell and irrevocably change the landscape of our world.

This book is designed to guide you through those times.

If you can take change in stride, leap hurdles in a single bound and stay spiritually centered no matter what happens in your life, you don’t need this book.

If you want to explore the hallway without using the word “hell,” fine by me. If you choose not to designate any circumstance as undesirable, if you believe all emotions and all events are created equal, I get your point. In the absolute cosmic scheme of things, our lives are unfolding perfectly.

But we are here for the human experience, and it often feels messy and complicated.

So if you are going through change and transition and have days when you don’t want to get out