Suicide Tsunami
Living in the Aftermath
by
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Missing - Day 8 ends and I am beginning to realize that this is happening to me. That a man who seemingly had it all has just walked away, that his pain was so great he could not feel the love nor see the beauty around him.
I try to imagine what he was feeling when he drove away from his home, feigning some sort of resolve to beat the demons in his head. To brush away the unhappiness that had lain still inside, deeper and deeper till it welled into a consuming beast, an invisible master whose crushing hand was all the more powerful through the illusion of nothingness.
If we only believe what we see we can sneer at the unknown as if it is malevolent or ludicrous. Don’t peek. Don’t look inside. Careful what you find. Yourself looking out.
I try and try but cannot know the agony, the resolve, the battle within that alienated him from the security of love, his home and family. I feel the pit in my stomach telling me that this is real.
Missing - Day 9. How can there ever be resolution? How does someone return to their daily life when they have so comprehensively and publically rejected it?
Exposed! That’s how he must feel now. His fear, the blind fear that drove him to seek refuge with the undemanding, the quiet, the spiritual, our eternal connection with nature, has possibly been replaced by an awareness of his disconnection from us. But, ‘what’s done cannot be undone’ and now he must look for other answers. Maybe he is panicking. Surely he will want to come home now. He will be tired, hungry and dejected, needing the security of home. How could he have withdrawn himself so dramatically from those he loved? The emerging picture in my mind is his conviction that strong women flourish when they are widowed.
Suicide obviously was on his mind. But I do not feel a passing of his soul. I feel his anguish, his fear and confusion. Equally I feel his love, for me and for our children. This must be one of the secrets of his disappearance, his great love. He thought he had failed us. He thought we would be better off without him. How sadly mistaken. If only he could have imagined that to leave us is worse than any difficulty we faced together.
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About the Book
Grieving a suicide can be an isolating experience. Shrouded in secrecy, stigma, and shame, suicide not only can be almost impossible to discuss openly, it also challenges many of our most fundamental values. Following the suicide of her husband, author Sheralyn Rose felt everything familiar had been swept away by an enormous wave. Attempting to adjust to the sadness that threatened to engulf her led her to question what influences someone to take their own life. Her need to understand the pain that precedes suicide motivated her to reveal the emotional roller coaster that often follows this dramatic event.
In Suicide Tsunami, Rose uses her own experience as background, weaving stories of others through hers to create a collage of life beyond suicide. She exposes personal and moving accounts and ties them together to show how various people are affected. Identifying common reactions of confusion, embarrassment, and rejection, she is able to give this unique sorrow form. Suicide Tsunami exposes the soul of suicide grief; it brings us to the brink of what makes us human and shows that living in the aftermath can be rich and fulfilling.
I recommend this book for anyone who is surviving the loss of a loved one. It is a very personal account of Sheralyn’s journey through this loss and also other individuals who have experienced a similar loss … It is compassionate and discusses many aspects of suicide that many people would find difficult to talk about. —Dr Jennifer Rathjen, Clinical Psychologist
About the Author
Sheralyn Rose, a medical sociologist, has had a lengthy career as a health practitioner and policy consultant journeying from the remote jungles of Papua New Guinea to Australia and England. After years of traveling the globe, she has retired to garden and write in the rainforest of Northern NSW, Australia.